Brendan S.
Photography by Caroline MacLaren
If you’re reading this, you’re not perfect and that’s okay.
We all know the saying, “no one is perfect.” Still, I, and I assume a few of you, struggle with the idea of perfection. So, I am writing this letter to those who seek it in the same way I once did.
The idea of a perfectionist often has a positive connotation, but I have experienced the dark side of it. When I did something “perfectly,” I felt accomplished, but that feeling never lasted more than a day. I always thought that I could do more or be more. Almost as if no matter how perfect I appeared to be, I was never enough.
My love/hate relationship with perfection still exists despite beginning many years ago. Growing up, I neglected my own needs due to the belief that the needs of others were more important. I wanted to help my family however I could, so I tried to stay out of the way as much as possible. This desire to help manifested as trying to be “perfect” and keeping everything inside, so my parents wouldn’t worry about me. Yet, at the same time, I was harshly criticizing myself for failing to be something impossible.
But even as the life around me changed and improved, I didn’t. My futile efforts for perfection persisted. So, to the outside world, I had it all together; I did well in school, played on the varsity tennis team, was liked by my peers, and even got accepted to Villanova. But simmering underneath was intense anxiety, a deep-rooted need for control, and a lack of self-respect.
My anxiety would drive me to control the things that I could. But when anxiety and low self-esteem remained, depression soon followed. It took a friend’s concerns during my lowest and darkest point for me to realize that the way I had been living my life no longer served me.
Since then, I have worked tirelessly on relinquishing my false sense of control while learning to love and respect myself. My struggles with anxiety and depression remain, and occasionally they will get the better of me. And that is okay. It has taken plenty of therapy sessions and two full journals for me to finally be at a point where I am closer to accepting my mental illnesses rather than trying to control them.
But that’s a lot about me. How does this relate to you?
I bet some of you might be thinking, “Brendan, I’ve been a perfectionist my whole life and I’ve been doing just fine.” To those people, I would say that being a perfectionist might be serving you now but proceed with caution. Most likely, somewhere down the line, it won’t. I urge you to love yourself enough to accept your faults and let go of the intangible notion of perfection. So, if you take anything away from this letter let it be this: no matter how perfect or imperfect you think you are, you are worthy of love just as you are, both from others and from yourself. In my opinion, no amount of perfection can fix the other issues that plague you because true happiness comes from internal love and acceptance, not from external factors.
Brendan S., Villanova University
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