Mia
Photography by Andres Troncoso
If you’re reading this, I want you to know that you’re not alone and it’s okay to let go… It is unnatural and painfully difficult to let go of a parent, but sometimes it is absolutely necessary.
The only memory I have of my parents being married is when they were explaining to me that they were getting a divorce. I was five years old at the time. I couldn’t comprehend the word divorce, let alone understand what was going on. After my parents’ divorce, I was raised by my mom and her parents - my grandparents. For a while, my siblings and I did not speak to or see my dad. After a couple of months, he came back around to fulfill his “fatherly duties” and we began spending every other weekend with him as per the divorce guidelines. As time went on and I grew older, I became increasingly aware that my relationship with my dad was different from others. He would get furious with me for wanting to call my mom on his weekends or for asking to sleep over at a friend’s house. I think I was eight or nine years old.
A great fear of him began to grow within me, and I consistently found myself navigating his emotions and mood swings with a sense of caution. I slowly realized that this feeling wasn’t normal.
I began high school, my siblings left to go to college, and I was left all alone. I decided to stop going to my dad’s house on weekends because I finally had a choice and I did not want to go by myself. Regardless, I had hope that our relationship would improve, and that he would become the father I so desperately and secretly desired. As high school progressed, our relationship got significantly worse, and it became apparent that it was negatively affecting my mental health. Each carefully planned and hopeful encounter with him would invariably end with profound disappointment, leaving me grappling with self-doubt. In my senior year of high school, I finally reached a breaking point and I cut ties with him completely – one of the most difficult, yet pivotal decisions I’ve ever made.
For the longest time, I was so angry and had this intense pain stemming from my relationship with my dad. Going into freshman year of college, I felt like I had little sense of direction of who I was. Over time, I connected with friends with whom I could openly share my emotions without any sense of shame. Through these conversations, I gained greater self-awareness, and for the first time, I felt that my thoughts and feelings were truly acknowledged and valid. Only recently, I realized the gravity of my complicated relationship with my dad, and I was finally able to admit what it was at face value: an abusive and toxic relationship. Abuse comes in many shapes and colors, none of which should be tolerated, and for years I was so ashamed and denied it.
It has taken me four years to write this letter, but if you’re reading this, I want you to know that you’re not alone and it’s okay to let go. It is not giving up because you cannot fix or change them. It is unnatural and painfully difficult to let go of a parent, but sometimes it is absolutely necessary. In any toxic relationship, let go of the illusion that they’re a perfect person who knows how to love you the way you need them to. When you choose to let go of that fantasy, it will free you from unrealistic expectations and disappointment that they continue to provide. Instead, surround yourself with people who love you unconditionally and choose to cherish you every day.
Mia (she/her), Georgia Tech
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