Abbie S.

Photography by Lydia Troupe

If you’re reading this, we all cry and we all feel.

Trust me, I have had my fair share of tears. They aren’t pretty, and sometimes feel too raw. I have cried in front of my 7th-grade math teacher because I was a new student and didn't know how detention worked. I wish I could tell you this was a one-time thing of me crying in front of a teacher, but it’s not. It happened in 2nd grade, multiple times in middle school, and frequently in high school whether it was about grades, let downs, or just genuine frustrations. As crazy as it seems, a lot of these moments occurred because of the pressure I consistently put on myself. It wasn’t until my junior year of high school that I realized the value in quality time, what I was passionate about, and letting myself take breaks over the effort I dedicated to school and academics. I have cried in front of my entire theatre department – and if you are wondering, it was not for a production or scene of some sort; those were real genuine tears. I have cried multiple times when I did not get a position or role that I wanted; this has happened in all years of college for me. 

I have cried when I was 15 and my parents got a divorce; I was the only child left at home to get to experience that all alone. The tears caused from this didn’t seem to stop until I was 19 and I found some ultimate sense of peace. The journey to get there was messy. I became the middle man or a shoulder to cry on, when I was still only a kid. Through this, I was forced to grow up, be independent, and find security in myself. As hard of an experience as this was, it to this day is one of the most defining moments of my life and played a huge role in shaping me into who I am. My point is – we all cry and we all feel, whether it is silly or heartbreaking. It hurts, and it's petrifying to show that.

You may not realize it, but other people feel it too. We have this idea and expectation of others' perfect lives, so we put up a cover and don't let people in. I get it, I have done it too; I get it, I still do it too. But if we break down the barriers and share our experiences, you’ll find that some feel the same way – or maybe a whole lot more people than you expected. After my first year of college, two of my friends and I were driving back from a day trip and told each other some of the loneliness or hardships we felt. It took us a year to openly face this together. How reassuring and comforting it was to know that they felt the same way during the highs and lows of our first year; as warm and wonderful as the memories and moments were, it was still one of the hardest adjustments for so many students on campus. I had no idea, but now I wasn’t alone. 

Given this sensation that I faced through out phases of my college experience, I made a point to share it with my incoming students when I was a FASET Leader and a Georgia Tech Tour Guide, or any simple interaction that is authentic enough for this moment. I challenge myself to open up and share it, in hopes that they won’t have to be overwhelmed by loneliness or questioning. This is the same reason I am sharing this with you. I want you to know that not everyone has their whole life together like you may expect and I challenge you to be vulnerable when needed, because not only can you help yourself, but you can help those around you too. What you feel isn't singular.

You may look at me and see this strong driven young woman, but there are scars deep within. Like you, I also struggle with anxiety, vulnerability, perfectionism, and fitting in. We all have our hidden flaws, and in some way that can bring us all together. So while I may still struggle with opening up or my anxiety can creep up on me, I want you and myself to start taking the turns that will lead us to more of an open and vulnerable place. That way you will find that you're not alone and you are capable of whatever you put your mind to.  

As VP of Outreach, I encourage you to share your story with not only those around you, but IfYoureReadingThisGT. Your story adds so much to the Georgia Tech community, and we would love to serve as a personal resource to you, or a platform for you to get your letter out there.

Abbie S., Georgia Tech

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