4th Year Letter - Class of 2022
Photography by Dominick Fini
As the class of 2022 graduates from UVA, we wanted to give our graduating members the opportunity to share what they have learned from this organization and what it has meant to them. We thank everyone who has been a part of this community with us - our work would not be possible without all of you.
Betsy - President:
When I came to UVA in the fall of 2018, I never thought I would be able to find a home here. I vividly remember walking around grounds feeling like this school was too big, too prestigious, too much. Throughout my first year I struggled to see myself here, but to be honest, I struggled to see myself anywhere. I couldn’t see a future for myself anymore, and that felt really scary. That’s when I found IfYoureReadingThis. My mom had stumbled upon our website in the Parent’s Facebook Group, and sent it to me. Reading these letters was the first time I could see a place for myself at UVA. These letters gave me hope in my darkest days, comfort when I didn’t know where to turn, and a sense of community in a place that once felt so lonely.
However, that’s not to say that my UVA experience has been perfect since then. When I joined IfYoureReadingThis in the fall of my second year, I wanted to put all of my mental illness behind me. I wanted to be open and vulnerable, but I also wanted to be done healing. I wanted to share the parts of my story that I viewed as successes, but I was hesitant to open up about a big topic: my eating disorder. While I always knew I would write an IfYoureReadingThis letter, it was my eating disorder that kept me from writing one until my third year. I was terrified of admitting that I had an unhealthy relationship with food, and I was even more terrified to have a photograph taken of me that would be on the internet. Even as I worked to help those closest to me to open up and share their stories, I couldn’t bring myself to share my own. I knew I needed to share my whole truth, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready.
When I finally posted my letter in the winter of my third year, I felt like an enormous weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Telling my story showed me how far I have come, but also it opened me up to how many others were struggling with the same things. I remember getting messages from friends and co-workers and acquaintances about how they related to my journey.
When I was in eating disorder treatment, one of the clinicians used to tell us that eating disorders thrive in isolation. They work to make us feel like we are alone, and like we have to hide ourselves. They pull us away from those who we love the most. I think this is the case for a lot of mental illnesses - they thrive on making people feel like they are alone. This is why our stories have power. In telling our stories, we are reminding each other that we aren’t alone. We are throwing out lifelines to people in our communities who we may have never known needed them.
This organization has taught me a lot, but I think the biggest thing I will take away from IfYoureReadingThis is how important it is to share our stories. Stories make us better people. They remind us that we are all humans, just doing the best we can. So my advice is this: share your stories. Tell them with conviction and honesty and compassion. You never know who may benefit from hearing it.
It has been such a privilege to read all of your stories. I feel so lucky to have been a small part of this organization which has meant so much to me.
Jess - Photographer:
In 2019, I wrote my letter for IfYoureReadingThis, yet I hesitated to submit it. In 2020, I finally submitted and published my letter on the website. And. It. Was. Terrifying. At the time, barely any of my friends knew about my buried grief and survivor’s guilt that followed the death of my best friend from summer camp and my boyfriend in high school. Now, all of my friends, strangers at UVA, and everyone on the internet knew my story. However, I anticipated the recognition. How will they perceive me? What will they think about me? So, I unintentionally wrote my letter in a way that painted me as a strong survivor. While I do believe I persevered through the darkest moments of my life at the time, I was continuing to fight for survival every single day - even if my letter crafted a story of closure. After 5 years of grieving, 3 years of writing my letter, and 2 years of publishing it, I still am healing today. I’m always scared to admit that.
Yet, being a part of IfYoureReadingThis constantly reminds me it’s okay that healing takes time. Publishing a letter felt so permanent, even though mental health is ongoing. So many letters emphasize this idea of nonlinear healing, and reading them helps me realize that I’m not alone. Not only have I had the incredible opportunity to read these stories, but I’ve also been gifted the privilege of meeting the amazing people behind the letters. As the photographer for this organization, I am so grateful to have met some of the most incredible people, who remind me about nonlinear healing.
Society often associates mental health issues with sadness and bleakness. From what I’ve read and encountered, this is far from the truth. Thank you to the vibrant authors who have not only let me photograph the beauty of their story, but who also encourage me everyday to embrace strength in vulnerability.
In my original letter that I wrote for IfYoureReadingThis, I listed all the things I love that I never thought I would be able to love again. After graduation, I cannot wait to add to the list - reading the weekly UVA letters from a distance. I’ll always be one of this organization’s biggest cheerleaders, and I am so excited for the next generation of IfYoureReadingThis.
Catherine - Editor:
I joined IfYoureReadingThis during my third year, after what had been a particularly hard couple of weeks, months, and years. I had been afraid to admit to myself that I was struggling, not only with my body image but also with anxiety and depression. Not long after joining the team, I was inspired to write my own letter. I painted a picture of someone who had come so far on their journey and who accepts themselves and their body. While that is true, I have made progress, what my letter doesn’t tell you is that I still struggle most days. I still have to wake up, take my medication, and actively combat my negative self talk and depression. The difference is that I have now recognized what I am dealing with and started to actively take a role in changing it. Writing my letter helped me to do that. It was my first step in exploring how I was feeling and making a change.
As therapeutic as writing my letter was for me, I was nervous about publishing it. I knew that writing it had helped me, but would it help anyone else? What I did not expect was the outpouring of love and support from people who had similar stories to mine. Letters are supposed to help the community realize that they are not alone, but publishing my letter unexpectedly did the same for me. I was hoping to help just one other person, but little did I know that I would be just as touched.
Signing on as Editor I had no idea how much everyone’s story would touch me. Often being one of the first people to read letters, each and every one of them gave me chills and touched me in a different way. Thank you to every author who has written a letter for our organization. I appreciate every word you wrote and your courage in sharing your stories. You are what makes IfYoureReadingThis what it is and I am forever touched by your words.
As I sit here and reflect on my time in this organization a couple of things come to mind that I want to share with you.
Always reach out if you are struggling. Your problem is never too small because you and your mental health are so big and important.
If you want to write a letter, please do! It can be therapeutic and will most likely help you and others in the UVA community.
The UVA community is full of people who want to help. Take the help that is offered to you.
Finally, keep going! It will always be worth it, no matter how hard you have to push through the bad days. There will be good ones ahead.
I cannot wait to continue to be touched by the incredible stories in the coming years, even if it is from afar. Thank you IfYoureReadingThis for everything and I cannot wait to see where this organization goes next!
Sam - Outreach Coordinator:
When I first arrived at UVA there was a large part of me that had doubts as to whether it was the school for me. I consistently had to convince myself that I had chosen the right school even though the majority of the time it did not feel like it. Now, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I made the correct decision.
Joining IfYoureReadingThis allowed me to join an organization that devotes time and effort toward mental health awareness, something that often gets overlooked in college. For someone like myself, someone who struggled with their mental health at the onset of college, the IfYoureReadingThis organization showed me that there are students at my school who acknowledge the importance of mental health. It gave me the confidence to express the experience I had through a letter in a reflective way using a growth mindset, which is something that I had never done before; previously I was deterred by the stigma toward mental health and internalized most, if not all of the negative feelings that I had.
I am honored to have been a member of this club and will cherish everything that it has taught me as well as the relationships I had the chance to make. I know that IfYoureReadingThis will always be an important part of my life and my journey through college. I know that I can always look forward to Wednesdays when a new letter is posted, even when I am no longer at UVA.
Evan - Peer Contact:
I’ve contributed to two letters so far this year so I’ll try to keep this brief: enjoy the moments you have. Although there is a ton I missed out on in my time at UVa due to mental health struggles, I’ve been able to move past and beyond that ‘fear of missing out’ by I appreciating the moments I have been able to partake in even more. Moreover, the friends who stuck with me during those tricky times are the same friends I just celebrated graduation with, and I could not be more thankful for them and the UVa community as a whole.
Ruma - Peer Contact:
After reflecting on my time at UVA, I’ve noticed how certain people, memories, classes, and student organizations managed to slide into their rightful places as parts of my college experience that I will hold onto forever. IfYoureReadingThis is definitely one of those things.
When I started college, I arrived with my hands full, holding onto the grief that came with losing my mother at fifteen and the uncertainty of managing an unstable home life. I thought my life could not get much worse. I was wrong. I don’t know if I have it in me to provide details, but trust me, it got worse. There were many days I could not get out of bed to even eat a meal, and I felt like I was exhausting my support system. Those feelings combined with global isolation were not a good mix. I felt like I was deep in a hole with no way out.
Regardless of this heaviness, knowing that there were others who were having similar feelings gave me hope. Hearing those words of support in the weekly IYRT letters was empowering. Being a Peer Contact kept me accountable for myself as well. There I was, ready to give a listening ear to others, help them move to a place where they felt somewhat okay, and provide motivating words that said, “keep going.” I realized, however, that I needed to take that approach with myself as well.
I am proud to say that I have moved pretty far from that low point I experienced. It took a lot of growth; I had to learn how to ask for help from others, build habits to take care of myself, and find a better balance between school and life. Now, If I find myself wandering toward that dark place, I make a point to redirect. Whether that be journaling, making art, laughing with friends, or taking a walk, I am intentional with my efforts; it leaves me more able to pay attention to what the world needs from me. Things are looking up, but I know my story is far from over.
I thought by fourth year, I could find the courage within myself to write my own letter. Although I feel closer toward getting to that point, it still feels like I am not ready. A big part of that is because I don’t know what I want to say yet. My story is unfolding like the plot of a good movie, and I keep waiting to see what happens next. Maybe someday I’ll feel ready to share my story, but I am still figuring out what that is. In the meantime, I am trying to live each day with curiosity and humor, paying attention to the things that bring me life and the moments that perplex me. Although It is hard to speak from a place of uncertainty, those moments, and the realizations we have, can make for a great plot and can teach us the most. I know I will keep watching my movie, and I hope you will too.
Carli - Treasurer:
If you told me a few years ago that I would be involved in a mental health organization, I would not have believed you. It wasn't "normal" where I was from to talk about mental health or any struggles with it. But after a few months at UVA, I knew it was time to start the conversation.
After a little research on resources at UVA, I came across IfYou'reReadingThis. A couple scrolls later and I quickly found familiar faces on the website. Faces that were openly talking about their mental health struggles in their letters, and for the first time, I felt some instant relief.
A year and a half later I joined IfYou'reReadingThis as treasurer--I wasn't ready to share a letter, but I still wanted to be involved. Now as fourth year comes to a close, I can only hope that someone out there who may not be feeling like him/herself (just like I had my first year), will find comfort in these thoughts:
No matter what you are feeling or thinking, never judge yourself for thinking or feeling. There are A LOT of people out there that are experiencing something similar, but may not choose to speak up. Just know that despite any silence, you are never alone in this.
There are also A LOT of people and resources at UVA that want to help you and CAN help you. It can be intimidating finding a place to start, but you don't need to figure it all out at once. If your first step is reading these letters like I did three years ago, then congrats! You are already making progress!
Going off my last point, start small. Instead of taking the entire leap at once, take one step to begin. If you want to reach out to a resource but are nervous or feel overwhelmed, visit the website first, look at the homepage, and call it a day. And the next day, start clicking around. And day after day, make a little more progress until that big leap isn't so scary anymore.
And last, not everyone is going to understand how you are feeling and what you are thinking, especially if they have never experienced similar struggles before. Just know that your feelings are 100% valid. If you encounter someone like this, don’t let it discourage you. You will find a supportive community here at UVA and in IYRT.
Now as I'm weeks away from graduating, I always remember hearing that college is supposed to be some of the best times of your life. But truthfully, that doesn't mean they are all going to be good and wonderful. Part of why the college experience is so rewarding, is because of how much you are pushed outside of your comfort zone, and the growth and learning that stems from that. If you are struggling, it doesn’t mean you will feel this way forever. But you will learn a lot about yourself and become even stronger in the person you are, and that is an incredible feeling. This is exactly what my experience at UVA and in IfYou'reReadingThis has done for me.
I can't wait to see where this organization goes in the future and how many students it will continue to impact. I will always find comfort in the letters, no matter how far from UVA I may be.
IYRT 4th Years, University of Virginia ‘22
Connect With Us
To follow IfYoureReadingThis at UVA on Instagram, get in touch with our chapter, and learn about more resources available to University of Virginia students, visit our chapter’s homepage.
