Trisha A.

If you’re reading this, I am proud of you! 

I have always had trouble being vulnerable and honestly doing this is totally out of my comfort zone, but I am doing this in hopes that this message reaches someone in need of these words and this story. 

“I am proud of you”. I feel as though those five words are overlooked so much, but they hold so much depth and meaning to them. These words seem to be saved for when someone accomplishes something big in their life or when someone gets a good grade, or that may be mostly when I have heard them, but I am here to say that I am so very proud of you for the little things, the big things, and especially the things that only you know about. 

When I was younger, I was nurtured to believe the stigma of people with mental illness are deemed crazy. Growing up, I learned that this stigma was false and mental illness is real and it led me to question if I had been living with mental illness without knowing. I never was able to get the help I needed or wanted because my mental health was never taken seriously and I became too afraid and anxious to advocate for myself and my needs. I was told to talk it all out, but why would I want to talk about my feelings, emotions, and mental health with people who don’t really take it seriously? I relied heavily on myself to get through all that the world threw at me with the thought that reaching out for help would make me “crazy” and I would become a burden to my family, friends, and anyone involved. 

Growing up, I heard the words “I am proud of you” often, but I never really felt the emotions and the meaning behind those words until a couple of years ago. At a young age, I lost my father, but that loss brought one of the biggest gains into my life, my step father. The first time I really felt the emotions and full meaning of those five words was when my step father was in my room giving me a pep talk about life because he knew that I was going through a tough time. He ended his pep talk by saying, “I am proud of you.” He went on to say how honored he was to be in my life and how proud he was of the young, strong woman I have become over the years of him stepping into my life. Although I was already slightly crying from the conversation before, I burst into tears. I finally felt like I was being seen and that someone was truly proud of me, not just for a good grade or a big achievement, but for just being myself and that feeling was amazing. 

More recently, I have gained numerous people in my life who make me feel seen on a daily basis. The other day my significant other told me that he was proud of me for eating three meals that day and I burst into tears. I know it seems like such an insignificant moment, but to me it meant so much to know that someone cared enough to be proud of me for eating three meals that day. Nobody really talks about those little things that, now that you’re away from home and at college, you have to do fully on your own. This year has been my first year living in an apartment and not having a meal plan and eating has been hard. 

Feeling like you are truly seen and truly cared for can be hard, but I am here to tell you that I see you and I care. I am proud of you for eating something today, for getting that assignment done, for working your butt off studying for that exam, for brushing your teeth this morning, for going to that class that doesn’t actually take attendance, for working up the motivation to go work out, for getting out of bed this morning, for taking your meds today, and for not giving up on yourself. For the little things, the big things, and all things in between, I am so very proud of you.

Trisha A., Clemson University

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