Rachna C.
Photography by Savannah Mitchell
Before reading this letter, we'd like for you to know it discusses Rachna C’s experience with self harm and suicidal thoughts. If you think that reading about this will be triggering for you, we encourage you to take a pause before reading this letter, center yourself, and prepare any resources you may need to access after reading it. If you'd rather not read this letter, we encourage you to read a letter on a different topic, such as Dana Q's letter. If you're reading this, your feelings are valid.
If you're reading this, your past is not a representation of who you are.
I can honestly say that for the majority of my life I have let my past weigh on every thought, relationship, and milestone of mine.
To wake up every day and feel the burden of your past mistakes weighing you down is so painful. I urge you to put it down. Put the emotional baggage down before it crushes you from its weight. You deserve to see opportunity and growth within yourself and rejoice in all of the possibilities of what could be. You are not the person you once were. Humans make mistakes and we learn and grow from them.
My inability to let go of the past caused me to take out my pain on myself via self harm. I can't take it back. I can only learn and grow. Then why is it so painful? Why do we feel the need to carry every transgression into every aspect of our lives? I wish that someone told me when I was younger that I am more than my transgressions and I deserve to love myself just as much as anyone else does. I don't know about you, but I am tired. It is exhausting to hate yourself everyday. It feels freeing to show myself the love and respect that I expected other people to give me. As hard as life is, I know that my strength will carry me through any hardship that I face.
Oftentimes I find myself underestimating my strength. I survived every intrusive and suicidal thought that my own mind threw at me and I fought like hell to overcome. How can I allow my past to weigh on me when I have fought so hard to survive? I regret many of the things I have done, but I don't regret the way my life played out as a result of those instances. I am the person I am today because of everything I have endured over the course of my life. I have wasted so much time living in the past that it affected the way I live in the present. The amount of pain I have put myself through was unbearable. It's time to put it down. I am so much more than my mistakes.
It's about damn time I started acting like it.
Rachna c., Arizona State University ‘24
CONNECT WITH US
To follow IfYoureReadingThis at ASU on Instagram, get in touch with our chapter, and learn about more resources available to Arizona State University students, visit our chapter’s homepage.
AUTHOR CONTACT
This author has opted to allow readers who resonate with their story to contact them. If you would like to speak to the author of this letter about their experience, please use the form below.
