Rebecca D.
Photography by Jessica Pentel.
If you’re reading this, be patient.
Right now, I am a fourth year working on my capstone project and getting ready to graduate and go to medical school. I can see the next steps of my life ahead of me, and I can’t wait to experience them with the friends and family that I love. I have been telling people for as long as I can remember that this was my plan for myself, but honestly, this is the first time in my life I can actually see it.
When I used to look ahead, I saw nothing. I could not imagine graduating high school or starting college. For most of my life I couldn’t envision a path that would allow me to make it to the next year.
It was lonely and it was dark, and I didn’t tell a soul.
I know that it is frustrating to feel this way, to feel like you can never get better. It is frustrating when every single day is a fight, and at times, it is tempting to just give up.
It has been a long, arduous process full of uncomfortable conversations but slowly I found myself starting to let others in and seeking out help. Often I still pep talk myself for days just to open up to one friend or to ask for help. As I have navigated more of these conversations and allowed the people around me to support me, things have begun to feel lighter, and each day has been a little less of a fight.
I don’t know what gave me the final push to stop trying to handle everything alone, but I am glad that I made it through the hard days to get to that point. So, if every day is a battle for you, keep fighting, even when you feel like you are barely scraping by. Be patient with yourself. When you are ready to begin sharing your struggles and stop carrying all of the weight on your own, the hard days will have been worth it.
I would not erase my darkest days because they have made me grateful for the love that surrounds me and that I can now see. They made me grateful for the ability to see the next steps ahead of me. I promise that the patience and the fight will be worth it for you too.
Rebecca D., University of Virginia
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