Lucy S.
Photography done by Colleen Charchut
Before reading this letter, we'd like for you to know it discusses Lucy S.'s experience with anorexia. If you think that reading about this will be triggering for you, we encourage you to take a pause before reading this letter, center yourself, and prepare any resources you may need to access after reading it. If you'd rather not read this letter, we encourage you to read a letter on a different topic, such as Anonymous's or Caroline L.'s letter. If you're reading this, your feelings are valid.
If you’re reading this, you are worthy.
At the beginning of 2020, I received a diagnosis that completely turned my life upside down: anorexia nervosa. My diagnosis of anorexia was shortly followed by two co-occurring diagnoses of generalized anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder. I have spent the last nearly four years of my life battling with the idea that I am not worth living. I have no idea when and how this thought began to invade my mind. But what I do know and have learned is that I am not alone in this specific thought process.
Throughout many treatment stays, I connected with a lot of young adults who struggled with their self-image. It was mind-boggling to me how all of these incredible people felt so low about themselves, and it really broke my heart. So many college-aged students struggle with feeling insecure about themselves whether it be due to their physical appearance, their personality, their academic capabilities, and everything in between.
If I learned anything on my journey to recovery and self-love, it is that I am worthy of life. I am worthy of life, love, happiness, connection, and much more simply because I was placed into this world. The same is true for you. If thoughts you are having are causing you to question if you are worthy, remember that you will always and forever be inherently worthy.
Rewiring the neuropathways in your brain to develop different thought patterns is not easy, it is a process that takes time, willingness, and often discomfort. However, it is more than possible. I never believed that after four years of battling anorexia, I would believe that I was worthy of nourishing myself. But I would never think that anyone else should be deprived of anything that would help them survive, so why should this be different for me? The more that I continued to tell myself that I was worthy, the more I started to believe it. I know this sounds cheesy and trust me, I did not believe that it would work for me either, but it really is a concept based in science. The more you tell yourself something, whether you write it down, speak it out loud, or read it over and over again, the truer it starts to become within your own life.
As someone who has struggled with a variety of different mental illnesses over the course of my high school and college experience, I understand first-hand the challenges of being a college student in recovery. Although this message diverges from the main message of this post, the core principles stay the same: your mental health must always remain priority in your life. This goes for high school, college, and beyond. If you aren’t treating yourself with care, grace, and kindness, it is innately much more difficult for one to engage in all of the various fruits of life.
If you are reading this, you are worthy. You are worthy of help if you are struggling. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of life, connection, happiness, and much more. You are not alone if your brain has made you think otherwise at some point in your life. You deserve to live your free of anxious thoughts and insecurities that may have been holding you back from truly allowing yourself to live freely in any capacity. Life is not easy, but it is worth living.
Lucy S., Northwestern University
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