Destini A.
Photography by Alyse Stauffer
If you’re reading this, protect your peace, and simply. do. YOU.
Hi there,
First off, thank you for taking the time to read this. Now that I have your attention, I want to share two important realizations that have truly shaped my time here at NYU: protect your peace, and simply. do. you.
My name is Destini, and I’m currently a senior here at NYU. I’ve had my share of experiences and stories, but today, I just want to keep it simple and share some advice that I wish I had known sooner. For context, I’m 21 years old, and I’m the only daughter with three brothers–two older and one younger. Growing up was definitely a rollercoaster ride, to say the least.
Recently, my parents separated after my father’s emotional and physical abuse toward my family and I that had been going on for over 21 years. It’s been a tough journey, but I’m starting to see the lessons that come with it. For so long, my father blamed my brother for his marriage falling apart or put the responsibility on me to fix things–to get my mother to go back to him. There was no accountability for the abusive environment he created with his words, and worse, with his hands. No acknowledgment of the manipulative tactics that left us feeling unsafe and, eventually, pushed everyone away.
Through all of this, I found myself stuck in the middle, trying to mediate between my parents, and exchanging legal and emotional messages back and forth. That pressure took its toll, and I was eventually diagnosed with major depressive disorder and general anxiety disorder. I began having panic attacks that were so severe they left me bedridden, unable to eat, and too paralyzed to reach out to friends or focus on my classes. Deadlines piled up. I felt like I was losing control over everything I once had a firm grip on.
A huge part of this was the weight I carried from feeling like I had to “fix” everything for everyone around me.
Let me tell you something, and I need you to hear this: You are not responsible for other people’s actions.
That was a hard truth for me to accept, but once I did, it changed everything. I realized that if I wanted to find peace and start healing, I had to let go of the weight that wasn’t mine to carry. I couldn’t fix someone else’s brokenness if they didn’t want to change. And I couldn’t continue to let their choices dictate my life.
So, I made the hardest decision of all: I decided to prioritize my own well-being. It’s been one month, two weeks, and one day since I last spoke to my father. It still hurts, but I’ve realized that the pain of staying in that toxic situation was far worse than the pain of creating space for my own healing. Even though this decision was hard, it was harder not being able to get out of bed, consumed by anxiety. It was harder to see my mental health deteriorate because I was holding on to something that wasn’t mine to fix. It was harder to ignore my own worth, my own happiness, for the sake of others.
So, I want to tell you this: Life is full of difficult decisions, but at the end of the day, you have to choose what’s best for you. You have to choose yourself, your peace, your happiness.
Please, choose you.
Because at the end of your life, you are the only person you’ll have to live with. So, make it count. Love yourself enough to let go of what doesn’t serve you. Love yourself enough to choose your happiness—and to simply, do you.
Take care of your heart. It deserves it.
Destini A., New York University
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