Barrett Bennett
Photography by Greer Diaz
If you’re reading this, find purpose in experience.
I often find myself getting lost in questions of who I am and what my purpose is in this life. At some points, this can feel like a crushing weight. It began to feel like the only way to alleviate the pressure would be through finding concrete answers to these questions. I searched for meaning in many facets of life. My self worth relied on how well I could do in school, how much I could exercise, or how happy I could make those around me. I constantly switched the focus of my energy and yet found nothing to be fulfilling. There was no way to work at something enough to satisfy the person inside me. I found myself feeling hopeless and lost while I thought everyone around me knew their place in this world. This state of an existential crisis paired with increasingly diminishing self confidence left me feeling almost paralyzed with how to go forward and how to live a life “worth” living. The dramatics of these thoughts often feel abstract or silly to look at from a more removed perspective but in the moments of rummanation it can feel all consuming.
I started to realize the power of presence. I started to read a lot of books on the practice of mindfulness and began to reflect on the experiences that made me feel good and quieted the larger than life question spiral in my head. I watched as my dad began a meditation practice and transformed in front of my eyes. He became someone in touch with his emotions and able to ignore the noise of the millions of things to stress about at any second. He was able to simply be where he is. He took things moment to moment. While we all lose touch with being present and succumb to the overwhelmingness of life, he was able to bring himself back easier and quicker each time. I admired this more than he could ever know. I will never forget when he told my brother and I that if he could go back and tell his 20 year old self one thing, it would be to find meditation and to consciously work to live with presence starting at that age. All this started pushing me to realize that the distress I felt from these unknown answers was rooted in the issue of asking the wrong questions.
We are not here to serve a role or to fill a predetermined purpose. You are not here to bleed yourself dry and perfect a certain skill. It was always easy for me to look at other living beings and the nature around me and see everything as interconnected, filling a role of simply existing. We are not exempt from the web of the natural world. Our purpose is simply to experience the world and to be. I found meaning in each experience of life. The basics such as the feeling of warmth from the sun on my skin or the clarity that comes with my lungs filling with air became the answer to why I am here. The questions that used to hold me in a state of fear have become quiet. I found peace in taking each step one at a time. While I still struggle with overarching questions of identity, and at times my emotions will pull me into my head and out of the moment, I am learning how to bring myself back.
When life feels overwhelming, when you feel lost, or when you question meaning in the world, give yourself the space to breathe and feel where you are. Sitting in the quiet of your own thoughts, taking a walk and noticing the details around you, exercising and feeling your heart race and the sweat on your skin, or writing and letting the thoughts move from your head to a page can help to bring you back and reconnect with the moment you are in. Our lives are made up of what you do moment to moment, so be there and feel the experience of each one. Don’t let life pass you by while you live in your head. Remember, you are not your thoughts. You are the awareness that observes your thoughts and emotions. Observe and acknowledge every one, but don’t let it take you away from where you are in the moment. Enjoy the experience of living and connecting with those around you. That is the only purpose in life, and we all share it. Find peace in that and in the now.
Barrett B., University of Wisconsin
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