Savannah H.
Photography by Natalie Bell
If you’re reading this, you are not an imposter.
For as long as I can remember, I have been plagued by the most relentless imposter syndrome. It has, at times, been so overwhelming that I have questioned my sense of self, especially at SMU. However, over the course of my first three semesters, I have started giving myself some grace and am in the process of learning how to love myself and acknowledge my successes. I have not completely overcome the feeling of being an imposter, but for those out there who feel like you do not belong here and haven’t earned your accomplishments, just know you are not alone.
Growing up, I experienced many hardships, from poverty to struggling with my late father’s drug addiction. To say that I have had to overcome many obstacles is an understatement. To combat the many issues I had at home, I threw myself into my academics and extracurriculars. An A on my transcript was simply not enough, even though I was balancing this with everything else occurring in my life at the time. I have come to realize that imposter syndrome, at least for me, stems from a comparison of myself to others. I was, and sometimes still am, comparing my accomplishments to others, forgetting that everyone has a unique journey. This is mine:
When applying to colleges, I felt that I needed to compare my accomplishments with those around me to grasp what might be possible. I had worked so hard to get to college, but the thought of being an imposter made me feel as though I was not good enough to achieve my dreams. No decent college would want me. Despite this, I applied to a plethora of schools in some ways “as a joke,” while not grasping that these were achievable universities. As an imposter, there was no way I would be worthy of acceptance into a reputable university. When I got my acceptance letter to SMU and other distinguished universities across the country, I was in complete shock. How could an imposter go to these universities? My accomplishments and character were not enough. They are making a mistake. Ultimately, I decided to come to SMU after receiving the Hunt Leadership Scholarship, which again, I thought I was not good enough to receive, even though I had worked hard for it.
During my first semester at SMU, I debated transferring because I was working so hard in my classes and wasn’t getting the grades I desired. I was balancing all of this with home life, moving out of state, living on my own for the first time, balancing my academics with social life and work, and simply being in college. In tandem with these struggles, my mind was telling me I still didn’t deserve to be at SMU. I often told myself that because I came from a small public high school, I was going to be less academically successful than others here. I told myself that maybe my previous accomplishments weren’t all that important and I just made them sound cool in my essays and interviews. Even socially, I told myself that I didn’t belong at SMU because of my many life experiences.
Writing this, I have had the opportunity to reflect on my first-year experiences. I sometimes still feel like an imposter, but I learned a lot about myself over the 2022-2023 academic year.
First, I learned that I am simply not the only one. While at SMU, I have met many students who come from different backgrounds, including those similar to mine. Although we do not all share the same experiences, I have met individuals who at least can relate to some part of my story or who try to empathize with me or take the chance to listen. And to these individuals, I am forever grateful.
Secondly, I began to recognize that my version of success does not have to be the same as others’ versions of success. While someone else’s version of success might be defined as getting a 4.0 GPA, mine can be defined as having a good balance between my work, social, and academic life while maintaining a GPA that I know I worked my hardest for.
Lastly, I learned that I am here for a reason, even if I don’t know what that is. Sometimes I just have to believe that there is a larger purpose to my life experiences that I’m just not aware of.
So, if you’re reading this, you are not an imposter. I am not an imposter. You are here for a reason, your life experiences are unique and valid, and your version of success does not have to be defined by someone else. Even if you don’t recognize these truths now, I hope you will one day.
Savannah H., Southern Methodist University
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