Molly P.
Photography by Ally Szabo
If you’re reading this, being kind to yourself is just as important as being kind to others.
Ever since I can remember, I have always strived to be the best version of myself for others, whether that meant being the best friend, best sister, best student, or best daughter I could possibly be. Sometimes that meant exhausting myself in the process. I write this letter in hopes that someone will feel noticed, heard, and appreciated, because I know there are people who are like me who just want to be loved by others and forget to love themselves from time to time.
Growing up, I thought of myself simply as an anxious overachiever. I constantly pushed myself to get straight As in all my classes and joined every single club and organization I possibly could in high school. My resume was spotless, and I always walked around with a huge smile painted across my face. The downside to all of this was, as much as I tried to be “perfect,” perfection is unrealistic, and life is messy. Any mediocre grade or less than stellar day would send me into a spiral, and I would find myself having panic attacks on my cold bathroom floor wondering who I was without success. I felt empty and discovered that my worth ultimately came from the approval of others, whether they were teachers, coaches, or friends. I forgot what it meant to love myself unconditionally.
Starting therapy in the winter of my senior year of high school was one of the scariest things I have ever done, partially because it meant that I had to admit I needed some sort of help and I was not, in fact, “perfect.” After my first session, I was diagnosed with GAD, or Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and was placed into a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy program. Week by week, I became more dedicated to taking time out of my day to read chapters for my therapy program and journal my daily emotions. What I learned from my time in therapy was that true recovery has to come from a place of love. One must truly love themselves enough to want to challenge triggering ideas or anxious feelings. While it was scary at times to silence that little voice in my head that had so much control over me, the more I worked to fill my life with positivity and love, the quieter that little voice became. Some days are better than others, and healing is by no means linear, but there are always opportunities for life to get better. Nothing is temporary and recovery is so worth it.
I am proud to say that I was released from my therapy program in the spring of last year and already feel like a more confident and stronger version of myself. My self-worth is no longer dependent on a letter grade or an Instagram following, and I was able to replace these sources of approval with alternate sources of love in my life that were more genuine and meaningful. The best part about challenging an anxiety disorder is realizing that you have more control over your thoughts than you thought you did. We have the power to let love into our lives, and there is so much around us just waiting to be embraced.
If you are reading this, you are worthy of all the love this world has to offer. Being kind to yourself is just as important as being kind to others.
Molly P., Villanova University
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