Anonymous
If you're reading this, I want you to know that being a student athlete with an eating disorder can be scary but you are stronger than your eating disorder, you are not alone, and recovery is worth it.
I started working with an eating disorder therapist who helped me tackle my eating disorder by gaining my voice back and rewiring my brain. She recommended I read “8 Keys to Recovery From an Eating Disorder” by Carolyn Costin and Gwen Schubert Grabb. This book was the foundation to my recovery. My therapist and I went through the book together week after week. As time went on, I began to understand my eating disorder. I was able to distinguish my healthy voice from my eating disorder voice.
From that point on, every decision in life became a fork on the road. There was the choice to listen to my voice or my eating disorder voice. The road to recovery was choosing my voice, again and again and again, diminishing the voice of the eating disorder until it was gone forever. This was a long and grueling battle. Not every day was perfect. But no matter what, I made the commitment to my health and longevity that every day I would wake up with the intention to defeat my eating disorder.
I learned to believe in the beauty of my dreams, find my why, and embrace optimism. I no longer let my eating disorder isolate me. I leaned on my teammates, friends, and family and became vulnerable with my struggles. In a time of need, I accepted help from others and trusted their guidance. This changed my life. With a strong support team and hope, I am proud to say that I have recovered completely from anorexia nervosa.
Recovery takes time and patience. It took me multiple years after beginning recovery to overcome amenorrhea. My body simply needed time, learning to trust me again - that I was going to provide my body with nourishment, fuel, and support.
Letting go of my eating disorder was the scariest thing I have ever done but it was also the greatest decision I have ever made. I was able to flourish in life and achieve my goals as a student athlete. It was not easy, but it was worth it.
You can do it too.
To anyone struggling with an eating disorder I want you to know that having an eating disorder is not a choice and it is not your fault. You do not have to brave this disorder alone. There are wonderful professionals out there who can provide a safe and nurturing environment to help you through this battle.
If you're reading this, I want you to know that being a student athlete with an eating disorder can be scary but you are stronger than your eating disorder, you are not alone, and recovery is worth it.
Anonymous, UC Berkeley
Cornell University & UC Berkeley Track and Field
This athlete’s resources to get help:
Eating Disorder Helpline: 1 (888)-375-7767
This athlete’s resources for student athletes with eating disorders:
Dear student athletes, you are strong, capable, and resilient. We are here to support you on your journey. From around the country, five student athletes have come together for a letter series to offer their open support by sharing their unique, beautiful, and individual stories. Their mission is to create a safe community for student athletes to be there for one another through all the challenges and glories. Your mental and physical health matter and you are not alone.
Letter series facilitated and edited by Gabrielle Pack & Rachael Holp.
