Alycea A.
Photography by Julia Thompson
If you’re reading this, it’s healthy to ask for help and take a break.
Things are only sometimes what they seem; other times, there’s a deeper and more complicated truth that many of us don’t like to admit. I am that person who will keep it real with you.
Hi, I am Alycea Adams! Many of you may know me from social media or around campus, but here’s a letter sharing the vulnerable side of who I am and my journey of admitting I needed help with my anxiety.
Oh boy…here we go, it all starts with freshman year.
My freshman year at Carolina was a mental battle with myself to let go of the chase of academic validation and perfection. I remember calling my mother and brother at 7 AM before my math class hyperventilating and crying because I got a 77 on my first biology quiz. You may think that’s not bad, but to me, that reinforced the idea that I wasn’t good enough to be at Carolina. Later that morning, I arrived at my MATH 110 class for my first test. I turned in an unfinished math test soaked with tears. I was an emotional wreck.
I felt so bad when my professor came over and asked if I was okay…that’s when the tears started pouring even more.
I have countless stories like this. I get severely overwhelmed when I do not perform at the high level, I know I can. I am my biggest critic. This didn’t start in college, but I have always been this way. As a young black woman, I understood that society does not give us many chances to fall and get back up. The classic “overachiever” or “try hard” label fits me to a tee, and it was because I had a genuine fear of failure. I avoided it at all costs. Perfection was my goal, and it destroyed my mental health because I was chasing something that didn’t exist.
While adjusting to college, I was also a student-athlete. Cheerleading was an outlet for me, but I dealt with imposter syndrome. Wearing any Carolina Blue uniform can carry a lot of emotional weight when you look like me. You’re treated as a token, and I had to stand firm on my authentic self to not cave into that pressure. Cheerleading is all about the performance and engaging fans, so I became a master of convincing people I was happy when I was not.
I can smile on demand, but my face says it all. I was miserable. Every weekend, when I didn’t have a game, I begged my mother to pick me up so I could go home. I just wanted to lay in my bed. My grades were excellent, all A’s, but I wasn’t happy with how out of place I felt.
I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I would have panic attacks before exams, my palms would start sweating, and my chest would feel like it was about to cave in. Things only got worse when I had a head injury at cheer practice and 911 was called.
Long story short, I hit my head very hard and was placed into concussion protocol for about 3 months. Physically, my mind was in a fog, and it drove me insane because I felt like I wasn’t retaining information the same.
My final exams were coming up, my stress levels were through the roof. On top of that, I couldn’t practice or cheer at a game because of the lights and sounds. I was lost, and I only had schoolwork to keep me busy, but I was frustrated with how much energy it took me to focus.
To make matters worse, I was in an unhealthy relationship with a person who did not see my worth. I was angry all the time and this person stole my light. I felt like the problem. I felt like I wasn’t good enough. All I did was study to avoid my feelings and focus on something else. All these factors led to my first visit to CAPS (Counseling and Psychological Services) at UNC.
I talked to my team physician about the anxiety I felt about returning to cheer, and how my body felt disconnected from my brain. I never experienced a mental block like this before, my anxiety was consuming everything.
At first, it was so awkward talking to a stranger about my problems, especially when I felt like I knew people who were dealing with things way worse. But to my surprise, our conversations were quite productive. I started looking forward to my weekly sessions, and I saw a positive shift in my anxiety and coping with it.
Looking back at 18-year-old Alycea, I would tell her therapy is a fantastic tool to uncover your triggers. We all know the saying “What goes on in this house, stays in this house”, and it’s time to let that go.
If you’re reading this, it’s healthy to ask for help and take a break.
From therapy, I’ve learned that I have deep-rooted anxiety in situations where I do not have control and I can’t help myself or those that I love.
To this day, I struggle with accepting loss. I hate it.
My dear friend taught me to “let your faith be stronger than your fear”, and I never understood what he meant until I started celebrating whenever I tried my best, no matter the outcome.
Taking breaks when I needed to, going out with friends, and doing things I enjoyed, I started changing my mind about Carolina.
Today, I am in a place where I never thought I would be.
I have built a social media presence of 1.1M followers, signed with a talent agency, and partnered with major brands like L'Oréal and Target. Last month, I accepted a full-time job offer for post-grad. Oh, and I launched my tech startup, HairMatch, on the Apple App Store!
Now, I am one of the selected creators of the 2025 Sephora Squad!
If you’re reading this, know that the sky is your limit.
I had an adult tell me once “Alycea, I found out you’re like…really smart”. I laughed.
People will always have preconceived ideas about what I am capable of because I am a woman, and I am black. Embracing the intersectionality of your identities is the most powerful thing you can do. Use your uniqueness as your competitive advantage. Let your work ethic speak for you.
But most of all, love yourself. Take care of yourself. Invest in you. Be you, and nobody else.
To all the black girls, I am proud of you. Continue to wear your crown and uplift the crowns of others around you.
And always remember, you are more than enough.
Much love, Alycea A.
Alycea A., University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill
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