Waverly B.

Photography by Mason Schlopy

If you’re reading this, it’s okay if you don’t have it all figured out.

I’ve always been the type of person who best functions with a plan to follow – where everything in my predetermined “life plan” works out accordingly and every fallback gets wrapped up and tied with a neat little bow. Unfortunately, this doesn’t reflect reality. At each turn you take in life, there will be new challenges and paths that knock you off of whatever predestined track you saw yourself on, but these forks in the road can often lead you to exactly where you need to be.

For far too long, I’ve been crippled by the need to stick to the life plan that I set for myself, largely fueled by the battle with depression and anxiety I’ve faced since I was in middle school. Setting goals that I thought were achievable helped remind me that there was a path forward. Unfortunately, this caused me to be further hindered by an inability to live life fully. In some ways, this worsened my anxiety and increased my resounding hopelessness that I wouldn’t be able to succeed in the way that I wanted.

When I came to Syracuse almost four years ago, I felt more lost than ever. All I wanted to do was turn around and go straight home because you guessed it – Syracuse hadn’t been part of my life plan. I was apprehensive and scared about being someplace I was unsure of. Slowly but surely, I started to realize that I had to let myself out of the shell I’d confined myself in if I wanted any chance at righting the ship.

These past few years, instead of focusing on how nothing was working out the way I wanted it to, I had to seize the opportunities that I was given and find other aspects of life to prioritize. I originally came to Syracuse planning to study psychology on a pre-med track, but when I realized I didn’t want to do that I added Magazine, News, and Digital Journalism as a double major with psychology, and dropped the pre-med. Again, something 14-year-old me would’ve never imagined – but a change that has allowed me to pursue my passions instead of something that I convinced myself was the best path towards a successful future.

I’ve also tried to prioritize friendships and relationships, with family always of the utmost importance. Inevitably, I’ve experienced my fair share of falling outs, crippling breakups, and crises back home – with last year being especially hard on all of these fronts until I felt like I was drowning. I could barely get out of bed some days, and I felt like I was wearing a mask that said “I’m okay” when my brain was actually a swirling mess that I couldn’t escape from (most days, it still is).

With this being said, I’ve had to grudgingly embrace the wisdom that so many people have constantly tried to impart on me over the years – everything happens for a reason. Cliché, I know, but it’s helped me reshape my mindset. Instead of thinking that everything that goes wrong is a complete derailment of my life, I now try to remember that it’s taught me something, and allowed me to grow. 

I'm graduating early this December, something I was excited about last year, but it’s taken me up until now to come to peace with everything that I’ve experienced while in college and that maybe, I’m not ready to leave it all behind. I will admit I don’t have a solid plan, but I think that it’s for the best, because it leaves a window before I pursue graduate school where I can do the things I want, for a change. So, I have nothing left to do besides accept both my past and what’s to come in the future.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t still worry. As I keep reminding myself, change is scary, and it’s normal to be intimidated. I find myself thinking, will my friends still call me about every little thing? Will that guy ever stop being so logical, and does he know how much I care? Did I make the most of the time I had? The answer to all of the above is, only time will tell.

If I’ve learned anything in my life thus far, it’s to not be held back by the goals and expectations others have set for you – even those that may have been dreamt up by your younger self. It’s okay to make mistakes, and it’s okay to occasionally get lost along the way. What matters most is the way you pick yourself up and move forward. 

So, take advantage of the time you have. Try new things and push yourself out of your comfort zone. Love hard, and passionately. Give everything you do your best. Follow your dreams and curiosities and don’t be afraid to try new things. You never know what might end up inspiring you. Most importantly, know that it’s okay to be lost sometimes. It’s within this uncertainty that you might just find yourself.

Waverly B., Syracuse University

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