Sasha S.
If you’re reading this, you are valued.
Change is scary. When you’ve grown up with the same routine your whole life, you become numb to the luxury of dependability and forget how hard it can be to experience new things.
When I first came to Clemson, the unknowns of college excited me. I had always wanted to leave the monotonous life I had grown accustomed to and experience new things. As I had to say goodbye to my family and learn to live in a new place, the excitement quickly turned to intimidation.
Coming from a small out-of-state school, I didn’t know what to expect. I loved the Clemson campus, the people, and the classes, but it was all so new, devoid of the comforts of home, and socially draining. Gradually, my negative hypotheticals and previous anticipations of disappointment began to actualize, and I could feel my mental health suffering because of it.
What they don’t tell you about college (or at least what I didn’t hear) is how initially isolating it can be. If you don’t put yourself out there, no one is guaranteed to seek out your company. I wasn’t used to this feeling, as my prior friendships of several years had all been like family to me. Our relationships were easy, requiring little effort and no stress.
I thought about things I had never worried about: “What if I say something wrong?” “Was that weird?” “What if they don’t like me?”
So, instead of facing the fear and focusing on finding genuine relationships, I found solace in my studies, filling the void of self-induced loneliness with tangible proof that I could do something right and have something to show for my time at Clemson.
That is where I found my value. I tied my self-worth to a ranking that I could understand and failed to recognize where true worth is found. This thought was an unhealthy outlet because my self-confidence disintegrated the second I didn’t meet my expectations. I either hated or loved myself, depending on how successful I was. When things went astray, I stopped trying to socialize altogether and immersed myself so heavily in my work that I missed the crucial experiences and relationships that make life so enjoyable.
So, how did I snap out of it?
Well, it’s not that simple. I still struggle with this. But since that time, what I came to realize is that value isn’t something tied to success but rather something each and every one of us has because we are. It doesn’t have to be earned or bestowed upon us; it is, rather, a characteristic of being human. And this value that we intrinsically possess is something that we can recognize not just in ourselves, but in those around us. Once I found peace in the fact that my value as a human being doesn't fluctuate based on my achievements, I began to realize that nothing is more rewarding than valuing others the way they deserve to be. This helped me overcome my hesitancy to form these new friendships, and feel more secure in not just who I am, but who I want to be. I have found that many others are going through the same struggles, and it doesn’t take much to appreciate and uplift someone, reminding them that they too have value and positive purpose in this life. I now have found true friends who uplift me and remind me of what is significant in this life. These friends accept my flaws and, instead of pushing me away, help me see the beauty in imperfection. Not only did realizing the root of my value help me understand my true self-worth, but the worth of others and their company. Embracing the value in ourselves and others can truly lead to meaningful connections and a more fulfilling life.
So, when you feel lonely or your mental health starts to decline, don't resort to unhealthy outlets to dull the noise. Instead, rely on others. Remember your worth. Find confidence through your community. Take an opportunity to love someone else and remind them of their value. Step outside your comfort zone and find those with whom you can resonate and just enjoy life. It may take a few failures, awkward moments, and frustrations, but at the end of the day, trying something new can be so worth it. And never forget, regardless of your successes and failures, you will always have value. There is nothing you can do to dampen or amplify this fact.
Ephesians 2:10 - “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
Sasha S., Clemson University
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