Rohini K.
Photography by Emma Kraus
If you’re reading this, know that it’s okay to take a break.
When I started medical school, I took on a “work hard, play hard” mentality. Throughout my entire first year, I filled every last moment of my time with something academic or social related. I woke up every morning immediately flooded with anxiety – my mind would be racing with every single thing planned for the day and I constantly wondered how I could add even more to my calendar.
I always told myself, “This is what it’s like right? This is how students need to be.”
In April of my M1 year, I started experiencing terrible panic attacks- the worst I had ever experienced in my life. They left me with terrible “hangovers” – nausea, dizziness, lightheadedness, and depression. Soon after, I was diagnosed with a panic disorder. I was scared to go anywhere or partake in anything, and never wanted to engage in social activities. I left classes early because I felt terrible and couldn’t concentrate. I knew something was extremely wrong, and I knew I needed to change something in my lifestyle.
I started seeing a therapist. When she asked me what I thought brought on the panic attacks and anxiety, I promptly replied with “I don’t know. There’s nothing out of the ordinary that’s occurred to me. I’m a student, so I’m always studying and partaking in extracurriculars, but that’s normal and shouldn’t cause my symptoms.” (Plot twist: that’s not totally accurate)
My therapist then proceeded to explain the analogy about the frog in the boiling water to me – “When a frog is put into boiling water, they immediately jump out. When a frog is put into water which is slowly brought to a boil, they perceive no threat, and they are cooked. You are the frog. The high stress that you’re in has become your resting state, and you probably don’t even realize it”.
If you’re reading this, I want you to know that it’s okay to take a break. It’s okay to simply sit down and do nothing. I used to feel guilty for taking time for myself because I thought I always had to be busy doing something. But your body needs and deserves rest. It’s important to take time to yourself – read a book, watch TV, watercolor. The options are endless. Do something that serves you and protects your inner peace.
After all, school is a marathon, not a sprint.
If you’re reading this, please remember to be gentle with yourself. You are doing your best. If you ever need support or someone to talk to, find me around campus (and remember therapy is a great option too)!
Rohini K., Boston University
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