Rachel A.

Photography by Trisha Tambe.

If you’re reading this, you are more than what you can do for others.

Hi.

I’m you but older.

I’m going to tell you a story. I know how much you love stories.

Once upon a time, there was a girl who loved nothing more than to help others. Sometimes, she would get in trouble for it. Sounds crazy but it’s true. She would ask the people around her if they needed help, and they’d get annoyed and say, “No, go away.” Her mom told her it was because sometimes, people want to do things on their own.

Despite this, she continued to help people. Sometimes, it was small like lending a pencil. Other times, it was big. She carried others’ heavy things, so they could walk without weight. The girl continued to do this because she realized people stayed when she helped them. Sometimes, she would even take their heavy things without them asking. What she didn’t realize was that all the weight would pile up.

One day, it got so heavy she collapsed. All the heavy things rolled back to their original owners, and they became angry.

“How dare you drop what we gave you?” they shouted, “You said you would carry it for us.” They walked away with their weight returned to them, and the girl stayed on the floor. For some reason, despite the loss of all the heavy things, she couldn’t get up.

“Why can’t I get up?” she cried. She tried to look around for someone to help her, but no one was there. She was alone.

She laid there for days, waiting for someone to come and help her up, but no one did. She sat under the hot sun and the cold night, hoping someone would come down from the heavens and help her. No one did, until one day, an old woman walked up to her.

“Goodness child,” she said, “why are you on the ground?”

“I can’t get up,” she said, exhausted. “I’ve tried, but I just can’t, and I don’t know why. I’ve asked people to help me, but no one has.”

The old woman hummed then walked past the girl. The girl thought the old woman was going to leave her, too, and she started to cry. “Why does no one stay and help me?” she thought.

Then she heard soft grunts from the old woman. She tried to look at what the old woman was doing, but she was too far for the girl to see. She listened to the old woman struggle for a while. “Whatever she is pushing must be heavy,” the girl thought.

Soon, the girl’s vision was blocked by a giant ball of pink chains. The old woman was trying to roll the ball of chains to the girl.

“What is that?” she asked the old woman.

“This,” the old woman grunted, “is your heavy thing.”

The girl looked in disbelief at the mess of chains. Yes, they were her favorite shade of pink, but they couldn’t be hers.

“I don’t have a heavy thing,” the girl said. “I would carry other people’s heavy things, but I don’t have one.”

The old woman looked sadly at her. “You do have a heavy thing. This is your heavy thing. It’s why you can’t get up. It’s become too heavy.”

“How did it become so heavy?” the girl asked. “I never felt it.”

“You never felt it because you were too busy carrying other people’s heavy things,” the old woman said. “You were too busy helping other people, you never gave yourself time to help yourself.”

The girl looked at the old woman and realized she was right. She never took time to focus on herself. She was always focused on others. Suddenly, she felt lighter. She gasped as she was able to sit up for the first time in days.

“I got up!” she shouted; however, when she tried to stand, her legs didn’t move. She frowned.

The old woman laughed. “Unfortunately, it’s not that easy, child. It will take time to work through all of your heavy things.” When she noticed the girl start to tear up, she said, “Don’t worry. I will help you.”

“How?” the girl asked.

“I will help you understand why your heavy thing is so big,” the old woman replied, “Together, we can make it less heavy.”

The old woman and the girl began to talk, and soon the girl began to understand her heavy thing. She felt like she had to help everyone to be loved. The old woman told her that that isn’t true. Love is unconditional, not something you earn. The old woman told her that people who love you don’t ask you to carry their heavy things, but let you help them with it and help you in return. Over time, the girl’s heavy thing became smaller, and she was able to get up. Her heavy thing never went away, though. The old woman told her it would likely never go away, but it can get smaller.

Now, the girl walks around with pink chain bracelets on her wrists to remind her of what the old woman taught her. Now, when people ask her to carry her heavy thing, she says, “It is not my job to carry your heavy thing, but I can help you understand it, and maybe, you can make it smaller.”

Now, the girl is lighter than she has ever been.

Does this story sound familiar? It’s because the girl in this story is you.

You take on more than you need to. You’re weighed down by everyone else’s heavy things that you don’t even notice how heavy yours is. One day, you’re going to crack under the weight of the all, and trust me, it’s not a good feeling.

I’m sorry that you are carrying everyone else’s heavy things. I wish people didn’t give us all that responsibility. It isn’t your job to carry the burdens of your parents, your siblings, your friends, strangers. You don’t deserve to be reduced down to being someone who helps others before themselves because you are so much more than that. You’re smart and pretty and funny and kind and curious and wonderful. You don’t have to earn people’s love either. You are so worthy of love.

I wish I could tell you we’ve let go of everyone else’s heavy things. Over time, they’ve become so intertwined into ours that it’s hard to separate them, but we are working on it. The weight on our shoulders isn’t as heavy.

This is my message to you: you are worth more than what you can do for others. Your happiness and your well-being are far more important than being everything to everyone else. You just have to be enough for yourself.

It’s a hard lesson to learn. We’re still learning it. Maybe we’ll be learning it our entire lives, but it’s an important lesson we need to learn. Maybe one day, our heavy thing won’t be as heavy, and we can wear it as a reminder of how heavy it once was.

You got this. I know you do because you’re strong and resilient. Keep your head up. I believe in you.

Sincerely,

Older (a little wiser, but still learning) You

(P.S. Our favorite color is pink now. You’re going to have to accept it)

Rachel A. (she/her), Georgia Tech

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