Pamela B.
Photography by Katie Fox
If you’re reading this, you matter.
Simply thinking about where to start when writing this is extremely difficult. As difficult as it is though, it is also extremely important and needs to be discussed. Throughout my life, mental health was always stigmatized. Being a black woman and immigrant did not help that fact. In all honesty - it made it worse. The importance in this lies in moving towards breaking that stigma though which is why, as scary as it is, I am writing this letter.
Growing up, I never thought that I could be impacted by mental health. In my eyes, it seemed as simple as “just being happy.” When I myself struggled with mental health though, I realized that was not the case. The feelings of wishing you never woke up, not wanting to get out of bed, losing joy when interacting with those you love, thinking you don’t matter, and so many other feelings are real. If you have ever felt any of these things, you must know how overwhelming and suffocating these feelings are.
As overwhelming as it is, it's okay to not be okay. The stigma around mental health can make you feel like a burden or like something is wrong with you. The stigma existing itself, and the anxiety and depression you may go through make the struggle even harder. It may leave you feeling like you don’t matter, that this is it because you haven’t made progress, but that isn’t true. Think of waking up everyday as progress. Think of getting out of bed as progress. Think of tasks like showering, cleaning, doing your morning routine, etc. as progress. Something that has helped me is taking it day by day and thinking about all the time I have. Everyday is a chance to make an improvement, and no matter how long it takes you, progress is progress.
Progress aside, you matter. No matter what mental state you are in, you still matter. At times I felt like I wasn’t worthy of staying connected with my family and friends because I didn’t want to be a burden. The reality of it is that I am and was not a burden, the same goes for you. We as a society need to hold the importance of our mental health to the same standard that we treat our physical health. Struggling with mental health is not a choice and we can’t let our society and ourselves invalidate how we are feeling. The fact that you are here shows that you’re progressing, that you’re amazing, and you are enough.
At times I feel like there are people out there who have it worse than me, that if I open up about what I am experiencing I am just going to sound like I am complaining. I have even had times where my depression and anxiety were invalidated by being called negative. If you open up about your mental health and you get called negative, I suggest that you remove or distance yourself from that person. A part of depression and anxiety is not wanting to do things, losing excitement for things, this so called “negativity” is not a choice. Your feelings are valid, always. I also struggle with my family stigmatizing mental health. I struggle with telling them how I feel, fearing that they won’t believe me. This left me feeling even more alone and growing apart from this was difficult, especially because they would never understand me. Things started to get better when I found people in my life who I felt comfortable opening up to. This itself took time but it was worth it in the end.
No matter what you tell yourself, you are not alone, you have me, you have the people writing these letters, you have people in your life that care about you. There is no telling what life will bring, but take getting through each day as an accomplishment. You are loved, you are cared for, and most importantly, you matter.
Pamela B., Wake Forest
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