Obieze O.
Photo provided by Obieze O.
If you're reading this, you are infinite.
I had lived in Texas my entire life with my family until starting medical school in Kansas City. After moving to Missouri alone, I struggled with adjusting to the new environment by myself. Fitting into the tempo of medical school and the new city was quite a task, and the difficulty settings went up going into my 2nd year of school during the peak of the COVID-19 pandemic. During that period, I was also homeless for several weeks after my apartment got flooded, and my clinical depression peaked. I also experienced my first two course failures. Instead of pressing the pause button to nurture myself, I felt like I needed to keep flooring the gas pedal or else I would flunk out of medical school. I was living on auto-pilot. I was too engrossed in acknowledging the future me as a physician (a person that hadn't existed yet) instead of the present me. But it was in falling that I knew that I was at least standing at one point. I had to figure out how to not only stand back up, but to also maintain my humanity as a medical student.
By being in medical school, it is a given that we are called to become future physicians. Medical school creates a mold consisting of what qualities it deems significant for a student doctor to have in becoming an outstanding physician. This includes parameters to see how well its students fit this mold (block exam scores, board exam scores, professionalism, community service hours, research, etc.). Chasing the highest standard possible in these performance measurements creates a lot of stress and burnout. I know it did for me. Getting lost in the sauce of this pursuit became insane for me, and I felt most depressed during medical school the times I sacrificed my passions, loved ones and sense of self for the chase of fitting the mold of the “perfect student.”
Besides your career pursuit, who are you (and who do you want to become)? One thing I knew for sure is that I wanted to break free from my depression, and by affirming this I made the intentional effort to seek therapy, make time for daily sunlight and physical activity, and nurture myself with proper hydration and a balanced diet. Once I took the time to address this question, my medical school journey went from bleak to promising. Setbacks became less devastating, as my identity expanded beyond the scope of a student doctor. It gave me more joy; instead of only finding external validation from making good grades I was able to find happiness from other things - like spending time with my friends after a long day of studying, practicing speaking Igbo language with my mother, experimenting with my fashion choices for work, cooking new recipes, and achieving milestones in my calisthenics training. It gave me a better sense of control; making time for my passions and self-care habits created a positive feedback loop of confidence that I have the volition to create the version of myself that I want (on top of the demands of medical training). Medical school became a lot more fun once I addressed this question. You are a lot more than just a student doctor, and this is something to be proud of. Your potential has no bounds other than the ones you create in your head.
Medical school is a difficult pursuit, but maintaining and elevating your sense of identity while pursuing medicine is even harder. Make the habit of embracing and nurturing your authentic self during this rigorous pursuit. Not only will you continue to elevate into the best version of yourself, but I believe this also synergizes your ability to practice medicine and elevate your humanity when interacting with your future patients. If your sense of style is hot pink, rock some hot pink scrubs at the clinic. If you value your role as a father, make the time to visit your son's baseball games. If you enjoy dancing, go off on the dance floor every Saturday night at the disco club. As you build your sense of self, even at the roughest periods of medical school, you will still be able to confidently tell yourself that you are enough and that you are comfortable within your own skin. It's difficult to be yourself when you don't take the time to understand and find yourself. When it comes to experiencing joy as a medical student, I've learned that it's not just about feeling good about yourself; it's about feeling good about what you do for yourself.
Perspective is important, and is a "muscle" that needs to be trained and utilized in a positive manner. You have the power to embrace all experiences throughout your medical training (both good and bad) without sacrificing confidence in your strengths and in who you are (and yet to become). From my rough experiences during medical school and clinical rotations, I have learned that not every experience and social interaction will be sunny, but just because something isn't for you doesn't mean it can't teach you. Your perspective is infinite; let it be so vast that it doesn’t get polluted with negativity.
Understanding is an expensive gift. Physicians do it every day when interacting with patients that they just met, and the best ones take the time to truly understand their patients. A lot of people outside of medicine do not truly understand the rigor of medical school unless they have a loved one in the field. It takes a lot of patience and sympathy for someone to understand your role as a medical student, and additionally you as a unique individual. Hold on to your peers who altruistically give you the gift of understanding; this can be through the actions of checking on your well-being, listening to your thoughts, acknowledging your emotions, affirming your strengths, and appreciating your individuality. These are your true (and potential lifelong) friends. It took me a while to find the people at my school who gave me this gift, and once I found my small group of friends, our mutual solidarity made the medical journey more enjoyable. Surround yourself with positive people who understand your infinite potential.
Whatever the field of medical training, and life in general, throws at me, it doesn't change my management of practicing the three Ps - being present, positive, and productive. I believe you deserve to be here, and you should do the same. There is no past to overcome - whether this means course failures, taking a leave of absence, or any setbacks during your medical training. I've been there. These experiences are not in vain, and who you are now is more than enough to make the changes you need to create the medical career and overall future you want. You can't be "behind" in your own journey; it took me 5 years to finish medical school. Trust your timing and embrace your infinite potential.
Obieze O., PGY-1
Several studies have revealed that medical students, physicians, and healthcare professionals experience mental health symptoms at rates significantly higher than the general population. Stethos[Cope] is a chapter of IfYoureReadingThis designed to help medical students and professionals cope with the unique stressors of medical training and change the narrative of mental health in medicine.
To read more letters and interviews from students, and to learn more about mental health in the medical community, visit the Stethos[Cope] home page.