Noah O.
If you’re reading this, don’t fight the feeling.
My friends tell me that they rarely see me stressed. They often see me looking carefree, working on an assignment, and ask when it’s due.
“In 20 minutes” I reply. Then they dive in: Gasps ensue. Mouths hang agape. Statements of shock follow as eyes stare in bewilderment. I stare back, because life has always been this way. Then, everything settles. Their initial surprise turns into a realization: If I’m not stressed, there’s no reason for them to be! If you like it, I love it. For the longest time, I thought this lack of stress could only be a positive. I get most of my assignments in! Do I study for exams really? No, but I always end up passing the class. Am I reaching my full potential? No, but I know what I have to do to get there. For a long time, any problem I came up with had an immediate, seemingly foolproof, solution. Delay, deny, and when the time came, sit with my distress for the tiniest amount of time that I could. It worked, I was staying afloat well enough.
It wasn’t until one of the very last lectures in Psych 101 when I learned that stress could be positive. At that moment, I learned something was wrong. I had spent a lot of time running. Running away from stress. Running away from assignments. Running away from chores like laundry. I even ran away from writing this letter. I had no trouble planning or organizing myself, that part was actually soothing. If I had a plan, there was no way I could fail. Yet, with each day I avoided things, and just like that the plans I made would become less and less doable.
It is through therapy that I have recognized that I run away from feeling negative emotions. I run away from struggling, feeling stupid, going to office hours and being forced to recognize my faults. So instead, I often put myself in spaces where I only feel good: laying in my bed for 8+ hours a day watching Scandal, laying in my bed scrolling through TikTok, laying in my bed… period. Even social interaction turns into a tool of avoidance for me. As I continue my avoidance, the tide of negative emotions continues rising. The current grows stronger until issues feeling insurmountable turns into issues nearly being insurmountable. It’s a learn a whole course in 6 hours type beat.
You’re probably waiting for me to say I’ve found the solution. In all honesty, I can’t tell you I have. What I can tell you is that I’ve begun the journey. Instead of avoidance, I’ve started therapy. I now talk through all my negative emotions instead of compartmentalizing them. I still fail frequently, but I get the chance to sort through why I failed, how I’ll likely fail again, and most importantly, what to do when that happens. What keeps me going is the times when I do start and I realize that I was silly for waiting. The water is only cold until your body adjusts.
So, if you’re reading this, don’t fight the feeling. Let yourself sit in the negative emotion, and get the help you need to overcome it. Don’t fight that turmoil as you start studying for finals, but ease through it and feel the weight lift as you finish. Sigh as you fold your laundry. Shake your head in disbelief as you somehow pull through the semester. But also, let yourself feel happy when you make it to the other side. We are meant to feel a range of emotions, and live a full life of ups and downs in the process. Know that you’ll only be overwhelmed until you realize you are capable. And the only way to figure out you’re capable, is to start.
Noah O., Duke University
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