Maggie A.
Photography by Alejo Mejia-Tejada
If you’re reading this, comparison is the thief of joy.
Coming to Clemson, I had high expectations. From the second I stood on campus, I knew I wanted to find an avenue to give back to Clemson and I wanted to leave Clemson feeling like I gave it my all. I found myself seeking out organizations that allowed me to have an impact on the student experience. For a while, it was great, I felt like I was tangibly contributing to the Clemson Family. I was surrounded by people who wanted to leave Clemson better than they found it. I felt so lucky to be in rooms with diverse individuals whose common factor was a love for Clemson and a desire to be the best they could be. However, something switched sophomore year. What no one tells you about being in a room with incredible individuals, with unique experiences, is that you will compare yourself to them.
At first, it was gradual, I found myself wondering how people had time within their days to be a part of so many incredible organizations, have perfect GPAs, and still prioritize friends and family. I would question how they were balancing school, extracurriculars, social life, and mental health. Initially, I found myself in awe - but eventually, that awe turned to jealousy. I began to question my capabilities. I was struggling to balance the few things I was involved in with school. I was sacrificing sleep, saying no to plans with friends, forgetting to call home, and yet, everyone around me was involved in more and seemed to have it all together. I felt inadequate. The things that once brought me fulfillment and joy were quickly becoming thieves of my joy.
What I am here to tell you, is that this reality that I created in my head, was not true. Everyone struggles with their own battles. Just because you cannot see the load someone is bearing does not mean it is not heavy. I was so fixated on the perfection of other’s lives, that I was neglecting to recognize that they had trouble with the same things I did. When I reflected on the person I was portraying to others it looked as if she had it all together. She was happy and successful. There seemed to be a massive blind spot … and I realized if I was capable of hiding my flaws, so was everyone else.
There is nothing wrong with admiring others around you. Some of the people I was actively jealous of are my closest friends and some of the best people at Clemson. The problem was that I didn’t know myself. We are all at a point in our lives when we are discovering who we are. What I learned is that knowing who you are, makes the opinions and expectations that others hold less heavy. I had to learn that my limits are not defined by someone else’s limits. My passions are not determined by other’s passions. My impact is not quantified against the impact of others. I learned that the only person I was responsible for comparing myself to was me. Instead of comparing myself to those around me, I learned to compare myself to who I was yesterday. If I could make one person’s day better, if I could accomplish something small, or if I could make one person feel loved, then I was successful and I was growing. Slowly unleashing comparison began to build confidence. I began to find joy in the small things. Little by little, brick by brick, I built myself back up.
At the end of the day, comparison to others is the thief of joy. But, if you can learn to be unapologetically yourself, aiming to better yourself each day, not by becoming more like those around you, but by becoming a better version of yourself, then life becomes so much richer.
Maggie A., Clemson University
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