Jessica L.
Photography by Caroline MacLaren
Please note: In this letter, there mention of disordered eating. If you think you may find this content triggering, please consider reading one of the other letters of IfYoureReadingThis.org, or prepare to access any support systems or resources you find helpful.
If you’re reading this, you are powerful.
Since childhood, it has been ingrained in our minds that mental illness is a weakness. More so, acknowledging and sharing your struggles with others is shameful. They made us believe that scars were to be hidden and dark thoughts rejected. This could not be further from the truth.
My mental health journey has been anything but easy. I had conditions that I refused to accept or seek help for until my first year at Villanova. I was so afraid of being ostracized by society that I allowed myself to spiral out of control. I said goodbye to some of the best people in my life, unable to even leave my house. But I was suffering in silence.
No one said anything when I skipped a meal. No one said anything when I had to run before and after breakfast, which I pretended to eat, before I even thought about putting on a swimsuit. No one said anything when my weight dropped and my bones began to protrude.
Actually, that’s not entirely true. They praised me. They called me beautiful and thin. This world has such a twisted idea of what it means to be beautiful that it promotes starvation. Society forces us to compare ourselves to unrealistic and unattainable images. And we can never win. If we are thin enough to meet their gross standards, then we do not have the butt that they want. But if we have the butt, then our legs are too big. Where does it end?
It ends with us. We need to stand up for ourselves. We need to wield our own power rather than wait for others to save us with theirs. We need to appreciate everything our bodies do for us and promise to take care of them.
We need to be open and honest, not only with those around us but with ourselves. It took me years to admit that I needed help, and this negligence only made my problems worse. We cannot be afraid to recognize our mental health issues. We cannot allow this stigma to continue existing, taking so many pieces of us.
Mental illness is not a solo battle. Needing help is not a weakness. Asking for help is not a weakness. Being able to recognize your needs and taking care of them makes you strong.
There are so many resources available. Please use them. You may feel that no one can understand what you are going through, but that is not true. There are so many people who can help you. Please let them. But first, help yourself. Use your power.
Jessica L., Villanova University
Connect With Us
To follow IfYoureReadingThis at Villanova on Instagram, get in touch with our chapter, and learn about more resources available to Villanova students, visit our chapter’s homepage.
