Imari C.

Photography by Alejo Mejia-Tejada

If you’re reading this, remember to be present.

Have you ever sat in class and all you could do was look at the clock? Your professor is talking about something you’re not interested in, and all you can think about is getting to the next thing. Riddled with anxiety and nerves, hoping, wishing, and pleading for time to move faster. If those few sentences filled you with anxiety, welcome to my life.

For as long as I can remember, I have been anxious. I have always been the leg-bouncing, nail-biting, and double-checking kid. Never frazzled and disorganized, but always on edge. When this sense of unease started to get in the way of daily life, I realized that I was living with anxiety and was diagnosed at age seventeen.

With this attribute of anxiety lies a massive hunger for success. I see something I want and go after it the best way I know how. This often involves overextending myself and filling up my calendar until there is only room to sleep. I usually tend to chalk this up as a side effect of determination–“all work and no play.” When you mix determination and anxiety, it creates this kind of impatience that makes you forget about what is right in front of you.

When I was younger, I wished to be older. I couldn’t wait to experience middle school, high school, and college. I can even say that I have rushed through undergrad, looking forward to life post-college and living in my head. My mind is always filled with this relentless pursuit of goals, the drive to achieve, that has often caused me to overlook the beauty of the present moment. Instead of savoring each day, I fixate on what lies ahead, always chasing the next milestone. Now that I am drawing nearer to graduation, I feel nostalgic and like I missed out on something. It feels like I went to sleep as an eleven-year-old and woke up as a twenty-one-year-old college senior.

As time flies by and the future I have anxiously awaited begins to arrive, I often find myself clocking into the present. One of my favorite Bible verses is Proverbs 3:5-6, which reads: “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.” Each day we are presented with has been divinely crafted for us, and it is not up to us to understand or intervene with what the Most High has in store for us. Much of my anxiety has always been about pursuing a list of goals to be successful or to satisfy those around me. In this pursuit of collecting milestones, I forget to be present and to acknowledge that my destiny has already been decided. I love this verse as it eases much of my anxiety, and it lets me know that I can live in the present and everything will be alright.

With this letter of transparency and support, I am not telling you that I have overcome anxiety and that I am completely ‘cured.’ I am still learning to be present; each day is a challenge. But it’s not too late for either of us to change course. Through mindfulness, self-appreciation, and faith, I have been able to live more presently. Daily practices to encourage mindfulness and engage in the events of today have helped me cope with my anxiety and impatience. Years of overextending myself led me down this path of endless exhaustion, so I had to grow to appreciate myself. I had to make the conscious choice to slow down, to savor the moments I believed to be small, and to enjoy success as a journey and not a destination.

I believe life is about finding joy in the ordinary, gratitude in the everyday, and peace in the present. So, to anyone who may be reading this, I urge you to take a moment to pause. Look around you, find something in the present to focus on, and embrace the beauty of the here and now. Life is not just about reaching the next milestone; it's about finding joy in the journey, one moment at a time.

Imari C., Clemson University

Co-President of IYRT Clemson

Connect With Us

To follow IfYoureReadingThis at Clemson on Instagram, get in touch with our chapter, and learn about more resources available to Clemson students, visit our chapter’s homepage.

AUTHOR CONTACT

This author has opted to allow readers who resonate with their story to contact them. If you would like to speak to the author of this letter about their experience, please use the form below.