Finn C.
Photography by Morgan McCullen
If you’re reading this, know you’ll never “not be enough”
Not too long ago, I came across a phrase that, I feel, succinctly summarizes the labyrinth of our generation’s worst anxieties:
“I’m too young to feel so old.”
Where this came from is irrelevant, but what matters is the ways in which it calls attention to the amount of self-induced agony we, as messy people who try far too hard to be seemingly put-together, experience. One of the most beautifully horrific things about life (at least as a 21-year-old) is there’s no minimum at which to live it. Nothing to stop you from opening Instagram and comparing yourself to the superficially perfect peers you experience it with. Nothing to make you feel that you’re not running out of your own time. Nothing to stop you from, sometimes, wanting to stop.
As someone born into a military family, I’ve seen and felt my fair share of the “pick yourself up by the bootstraps” and “work for what you want” mentality. For my whole life, all I’ve known is crafting discipline through diligence. Now, especially being a journalist, I’ve never stopped feeling the pressure such a mindset puts upon you. It’s an anxiety I’ve had for years, but one which I never pictured becoming as detrimental to my health as it did not too long ago.
In the fall of 2020, at the height of the pandemic, I felt nearly at my limit with a level of stress I’d never known before. Not only was I a full-time student, but I was balancing this with being a resident mentor, a reporter for WUSC News, and a reporter, anchor, newscast producer, and lifestyle show producer for SGTV. At every newsroom meeting we had, I pitched every story I could. Every week of the semester, I sometimes produced two or three in the name of getting more experience. But, really, I was avoiding my deepest insecurity with as many distractions as I could tiredly toss at it.
Though I was piling more responsibilities onto myself than I could possibly manage, it was the only way I felt I would ever amount to something. For me, having time on my hands was the equivalent of wasting it. It’s because I didn’t believe in myself as a person, which led me to think that not pushing myself as hard as I could meant I was letting my loved ones down.
So, in drowning myself in work, I became siloed in my struggle. There were many nights when I asked, “Will there ever be a break?” “When can I stop and take a breath?” But even in the moments when I could breathe, I felt I was doing something wrong. I felt I wasn’t making good use of my time by taking care of myself. I felt I wasn’t doing enough. And, in the process, I pushed myself to the point of wanting to take my own life.
But, as you can see (or, read, rather), I’m, thankfully, still here. Mainly because of two little words which taught me one of the most important lessons I’ve learned:
Me too.
The most laughably ironic piece of the word “enough” is its immeasurability of it. We commit ourselves so indefatigably to reaching such a point, be it in our careers, with our family and friends, or otherwise, but it never fully feels like we get there on our own. You’ll always man the forge of your life’s path, with a whirlwind of wondrous and woeful experiences unique to you. But when you’re fighting for something you define for yourself, like “being enough,” you sometimes need others to help ground you when your world is seemingly collapsing.
Sometimes, the “me too’s” can save lives.
So when you’re feeling burnt out – find your backbone. Seek a support system to confide in when coping with the stressors of your daily life. It doesn’t have to look like much, it doesn’t have to be a deep, revelationary conversation or suggesting therapy. The simplest few words can serve as a reminder that you aren’t alone, a gift everyone has within themselves to give freely.
Though growth is never linear, it is constant. You never cease to learn lessons and adapt to unpredictable pivots within your life. Every one of them, however, brings you resilience and strength. If you’re going through a seemingly mountainous struggle or feel like you’re drowning, know you will persevere. You have the capability to do an insurmountable amount of good for yourself and others, but brave your life’s journey with support at your side.
Time will continue to move, but those meant for your life will never mind moments you need to stop or slow down for your well-being. Limitless opportunities await you, none of which require any more than living one day at a time. Know you'll never not be capable of experiencing the joys within them.
Know you’ll never not be enough.
Finn C., University of South Carolina
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