Chloe W.

Photography by Lydia Troupe

If you’re reading this, remember that feelings of isolation that come and go are normal.

A Fatalist’s Dream

I wonder how many people I pass
are holding back tears
a lump in their throat
a pitted gut
pent up after
years
and years
and years

I wish I could stop them
just stand there
long enough to say
“it was never your fault & you deserve to be okay”

And then I’d walk on
choking back my own sobs
my own tears…
that like emptiness well
up inside
embarrassing like a word you can’t spell
sending blood to your ears

Sneers, you mistook for smiles
left you quiet
enough to tough it out
but I'm beginning to doubt
that loneliness can befriend me for too long.

Yet I hold it close as I retreat
past waving hands
sparkling smiles
past so many people I’d be so happy to meet

And you get this feeling that
the world is this infinite space
that you hold no space in
that like a wave, your mist was only felt long enough
for it to fade away
much like a hero sacrificed for a lost cause
that if you were gone
no one. would even. pause.

And then they say
why do you look so sad?
alas theres so much beauty!
so much to experience!
in this human experience
under a happy nod
I’m left misunderstood
Oh I’d be happy if I could
but hear me out:
instead of sadness there is just this pain
And that pain feels like emptiness
but hurts all the same.

A sanctuary of solitude
feels a lot like a prison cell
you have refused to leave
but then its me - I have to face
in the faces of all the people I pass-

Like looking glass. The whites of their eyes
make me promise
to not forget
I’m alive.

For it is the strain,
the possibility, the choice to live
that ensures we survive.

Chloe W. (she/her), Georgia Tech

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