Ben C.
Photography by Emma Kraus
If you’re reading this, please remember the small things.
When I’m walking home at the end of the day, I tend to call my mom. We don’t usually have anything in particular to talk about, but in the flow of our back-and-forth dialogue we touch on both the silly and mundane, as well as the challenges and contemplations that are harder to understand alone. After eating dinner, I find a particular sense of satisfaction from thoroughly washing dishes by hand, with extra points of gratification when the water is especially hot and the dish soap is particularly bubbly. Before bed, I peruse my plants and each of their individual leaves for interval evidence of growth, and try to optimize their environment as needed.
These routines don’t feel particularly consequential, though I began to consider them at a time when I felt lost and out of touch with my identity. My confusion came during a period in my training program when we were evaluated on a daily basis in new and rotating environments with changing criteria, and still expected to shine. I constantly scrutinized my ability to perform and routinely tried to reinvent myself in an attempt to fit what others seemed to value, and in the process, I lost sense of who I was independent of external validation.
As my internal turmoil peaked, the confusion and anxiety gave way to a quiet return to the things that gave me comfort. When I began calling my mom again, I realized how her love and support anchored me. Meticulously washing the dishes led me to reflect on the gratification that I feel when I work on tasks in detail. My excitement from any subtle signs of change while caring for my plants allowed me to recognize my preference for processes that are slow and a result of patience. I saw myself in the routines of my day, and slowly built an appreciation for what they signified.
Big achievements tend to dominate our CVs and are used as a means of demonstrating our strengths, though they also typically occur infrequently and often have a prescribed amount of associated value in the context of our professional fields. In contrast, the small habits that we regularly practice help guide our behaviors, lifestyles, and relationships. Regardless of how little they may seem in isolation, the summation of these practices constitutes a bulk of who we are. They can be a foundation for us to fall back on as we strive towards our goals and experience the inevitable challenges that are associated with growth. I hope that you also find reassurance and strength in the small that you practice, and wish you the best of luck.
Ben C., Boston University
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