Marche W.

Photography by Ally Szabo

If you're reading this Nova, it is okay to wake up and restart your life.

Others may judge you based upon what they think they know; it is not your job to inform but your job to continue growing and evolving into the person you want to be.

As a person who is literally a thousand miles away from their loved ones, there have been many faults in the road.

For one, I went against the advice of others. I am not one to judge someone based upon rumors and the labels placed upon them due to gossip. I pride myself on my ability to withhold judgment and figure someone out for myself. I realize that misunderstandings turn into gossip and can usually be solved with effective communication and a level of understanding for all parties involved.

As a freshman, I went through a traumatic event that I can say changed who I am. Not only did I lose my partner, a friend, and a confidant, but I lost myself in a very public manner. Multiple labels were placed upon me without knowledge of the full story. Ten months full of rollercoasters of emotions resulting in arguments, tears, handwritten apologies, cutting belongings, isolating from others, throwing things, and so much more. Inevitably this led to a breakup that was harmful and nasty.

Due to the nature and openness of the event, it was easy for people to judge me based upon half-truth. A black and white picture was painted but the gray area was disregarded.

Through the majority of this ordeal, I suffered. Mentally and physically, it was a lot. I was continuously crying and losing sleep while also losing my sense of self and identity at the same time.

I retreated inward, contemplating whether I should transfer colleges and ignore the problems that had arisen due to a lapse of judgment. Despite these thoughts, constant tears, intense therapy, the stalking, and six months full of back and forth with school officials aiding the incident; it was my loved ones, God, and a revelation that pulled me through. I can start over whenever I want, wherever I want, and however I want.

For two, I was confronted about the rumors and gossip surrounding me a couple of months later after my situation was resolved. I was in the middle of my healing journey. This information sprinkled salt on a wound that had not bled in months. Two phrases were said, "I miss the person you once were" and "This is my first time actually having a conversation with you.”

I cried for days after the conversation due to how misconceptions seemed to follow me no matter how much I grew. Then I realized that what people think is not a reflection of who I am.

People will continue to judge me, ostracize me, critique me, and blame me for a situation that they truly have no information about. My silence is seen as weakness to others but perseverance and strength to me.

It is not up to you to change someone's opinion about you based upon what they have heard from others. That says a lot about their character, and the type of person they are; not you.

A situation does not define you. Gossip does not define you. Rumors do not define you. Neither do lies of omission and deception define you. Your ability to swim when the world is drowning you with hardships defines you.

Despite all of this, I keep swimming and navigating through the tough waves of this ocean I have been placed in. I am treading water while swimming with the fish and the sharks. I have made it my duty to myself to continue to stay authentic to who I am and the woman I want to be.

You can do the same.

So if you're reading this Nova, you can pick up your life and change its course at any moment you want to; your past does not define your future.

Marche W., Villanova University

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