Ashley B.
Photography by Ashley Kung
If you’re reading this, I see you.
I know it can feel that there's never enough - enough time, enough good grades, enough energy, enough good deeds - to make you feel like you "did it." Maybe like me, you have constant guilt that you should be doing something better with your time, but this guilt leaves you paralyzed. Stuck staring into oblivion, you're frozen by your own inability to do anything more because you've already done so much.
I want you to know that your worth has never been dependent on what you produce. It's never been about how many chores you get done. The A’s on your report card are just that - letters that signal you did a lot of studying and sacrificing, but ultimately you are much more than your work.
I worked hard all my life to prove to my family that I mattered. But the sad truth is that my parents lacked self-worth in themselves, so there was never going to be an ultimate acceptance or affirmation of pride at the end of a long tunnel. The self-worth I was searching for was inside me all along, and when I realized that I dismissed it. How could I be the agent of my own happiness? Surely someone will be there for me like I'm there for everyone else, right?
I started volunteering at a local yoga studio after I graduated with my master's. It was after the pandemic and I felt like I had no direction. I looked out into the world and saw utter bleakness that I would never be capable enough to solve. I'd never have enough money, power, or knowledge to fix climate change, the housing crisis, or the list of crises forming at the hand of humanity's greed. But for too long, I was frustrated by the mystery of how to take care of myself, and thought yoga might provide answers.
What I found two years later is this: you are your own Creator and Designer. You are and always have been good enough, far more deeply than you ever thought possible. You are divine love experiencing a human form. Your whole life has been leading to this moment and everything happens for a reason. You never have to prove yourself because you're already there and always have been. The approval and validation you seek is inside you. It's not in the mirror fixating on the details of your ego. You know deep down how to take care of yourself, how to make yourself happy, how to be healthy and happy. Your inner child is huddled in a corner, tears streaming down their face, wondering if anyone will come save them. Open the door and tuck them into bed sweetly, with their favorite movies and candies telling them, "you are the sweetest, most wonderful person and I'm so proud of you for everything you do." Because you are and always have been enough.
Yoga revealed this to me through the act of presence. The present moment is the key to unlocking your inner nature. Movement in a yoga class is great for beginning meditators - sitting in silence trying to be mindful of breathing is really hard if you are deep in despair. Moving through breaths keeps us grounded in the present without it feeling like a century, and in the end there's a rush of dopamine with a clear connection to all life and the yoga community. You don't have to do yoga, but when you think about it, this ancient technology for our bodies has lasted through the ages because it works.
I wish for you peace and pure joy, and I promise with time you will feel better. I love you.
Ashley B., University of Florida
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