Angela S.
Photography by Emma Kraus
If you’re reading this, be there for someone.
My best friend in high school struggled with panic attacks. By staying with her through her most fearful moments, I learned how to best support her and discovered how other people can be constructed and wired so differently from myself.
For example, when describing her panic attacks, she told me that she couldn't breathe and a sense of palpable doom threatened her existence. I had never experienced this before. Was it something I said that triggered her attack? She reassured me it wasn’t. Setting my confusion aside, all I could do was listen to her with openness and acceptance. Often, I drove her home (her safe space) and once to the hospital. Sometimes she wanted me to squeeze her tightly, and other times she did not want to be touched. Sometimes I just held her hand in silence, waiting for the moment to pass.
From our experiences together, here are a few things I’ve learned:
Be prepared. Talk to your friend when they are feeling well. Ask them how they would like to be supported during a panic attack. Everyone has unique needs, and those needs can change depending on the situation. Be flexible!
Stay calm and don’t be the detective. Panic attacks can be triggered or untriggered. Yes, it’s possible that they arise “out of nowhere.” Even if there was a trigger, it can be overwhelming for your friend if you try to figure out what caused their panic attack. Now is not the time to ask “why.” Instead, it is more important to make them feel safe by giving space, speaking softly, and asking “What can I do for you right now?”
Take them to a familiar and quiet environment. Many times, the safest place for your friend is their home. If that’s not immediately accessible, find another quiet place for them to focus on their breathing.
Listen to their needs. Sometimes my friend asked to be hugged or squeezed tightly, and other times she would rather not be touched. There were times when I just held her hand in silence.
Focus on breathing slowly. My friend would naturally begin doing breathing exercises, and I would often join her.
Ask about medications. If your friend takes medication for their panic attacks and is unable to reach it, offer to help. My friend always knew where her medicine was and let me know that she would need to take it if she felt a panic attack arise.
Offer words of comfort when it feels right: “I’m here with you,” or “You’re doing an amazing job. I’m so proud of you.”
By considering these suggestions next time a friend or loved one experiences a panic attack, they will greatly appreciate you being there for them. These suggestions can also be helpful if you ever see a stranger experiencing a panic attack who is in need of assistance.
Fortunately, my friend’s panic attacks have waned, and she continues to exert an admirable effort into maintaining her wellbeing. I’m thankful for her willingness to openly communicate her internal experience to me at such a young age – a time in which our experiences of the world were rapidly pruning and priming our cognitive networks. Because of her, I have continually sought to understand the diversity of mind and thought, especially in those who are different from me.
Angela S., Boston University
If you are interested in Psychiatry like me, feel free to reach out (asohng@bu.edu) or join BU’s Psychiatry Student Interest Group (PsychSIG).
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