Tatiana K.
Photography by Jessica Pentel
If you’re reading this, know that the grief that accompanies heartbreak doesn’t last forever.
Every ending to a relationship is different, but under most circumstances there is pain involved. For me, and many others who struggle with mental health, one of the largest sources of suffering during a breakup is the ever-present guilt – that you've lost your closest companion due to your own shortcomings. What if I had more confidence in myself? What if I was able to manage my anxiety and depression better? What if I had compared myself less to them?
Another major source of suffering is the feeling of abandonment. My previous boyfriend was my closest friend; we shared and experienced so much together. When he broke up with me I felt as if the person I trusted and loved the most had given up on me – that I wasn’t worth the effort. If the person who I thought valued and believed in me the most was leaving me, how was I supposed to love myself? If the one person who I wanted to be with more than anything was abandoning me, where could I find the strength to not abandon hope in myself and in the rest of the world?
I soon realized that the type of love I thought only resided in my boyfriend’s heart was overflowing in the hearts of my family and friends. When I’m unable to sleep, my friends stay with me in my room and we play cards and watch movies until I’m too exhausted to stay awake. On the days I can’t stop crying, they share stories of their difficult breakups and of their personal journeys to finding joy. When I need to do work but can’t get out of bed, they take me to a coffee shop. Even when I saw my previous boyfriend at an athletic event and had a panic attack, my friends and family were there to ground me and lift me up enough to have an amazing race. Frequently I have nightmares, but when I wake up I know that my support system is just a phone call, text message or stairwell away.
My friends, family and therapist have also taught me that mental health issues are usually a double-sided coin. My anxiety is likely tied to my empathy, my low-self confidence is likely due to my ability to see the best in those I surround myself with. If you’re reading this, you are so wonderful just the way you are, and anyone would be so lucky to have you in their life.
Overcoming self-destructive thoughts and the grief of losing someone you love is hard to do alone, but thankfully, as I learned over this past semester, you are never alone.
You are not responsible for the failure of a relationship.
Your mental health struggles do not make you unlovable.
Finding someone who is able and willing to grow and change with you is so important.
You are always loved.
Tatiana K., University of Virginia
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