Anonymous

Photography by Alyse Stauffer

If you’re reading this, you are not inferior; you are worthy.

We all feel insecure sometimes, some people more than others. Some people are genetically predisposed, while some people have to deal with it by default because of their upbringing. Every person struggles with their own identity and self-worth in some way shape or form. I used to feel stupid, useless, ugly, poor, lonely, and worthless—sometimes I still do. 

I came from a broken home where substance abuse and mental health issues were the norm, I felt like home was never where I wanted to be. I already was having panic attacks at home and suffering from abuse, which made me super anxious and depressed ever since I was young. I was an only child who moved over ten times by the age of 18 with no one to turn to. I was dirt poor; I worked a multitude of jobs my whole life. I ran side hustles, just to buy myself clothes and shoes for the new school year. I lived with my grandma, sometimes my mom, sometimes my dad, sometimes none of the above. 

I was a liar; no one knew who I was, where I came from, or what my life was really like. I was an imposter, and sometimes I still am. I felt like if people knew the real me they wouldn't like me. They would look down on me, maybe pity me at best. My friends would make demeaning comments about people who were just like me, but they didn't know that. I smiled, I laughed, I let it go. If you can't beat them join them. I had a golden outer shell to personify my role in elite circles and institutions, but my core was still hollow and dreary. It didn't matter how many friends I had or didn't have, real or fake, I was lonely. No one knew the real me, and I didn't want them to. Everyone who liked me didn't actually like me. It was my harsh reality that I created for myself. 

I am now 20 years old. I usually never feel like this anymore, but sometimes I do, confidence and self-love are not linear. To truly love yourself does not mean it's all sunshine and rainbows 24/7. It means you are at peace with yourself. You need to recognize life’s impermanence in every form. Most of us will only live up to ~80 years old if we are lucky. To spend our young and healthy years living in discomfort in the only body, brain, and life we were given is doing a disservice to yourself. I think back to every time I was embarrassed or felt like garbage, I laugh at myself for all the time I wasted not being myself. 

I will be honest, it took me years of trial and error to get where I am today. The hardest part is putting yourself in uncomfortable situations. Whenever you feel insecure, embarrassed, or weird, that means you have to do it, whatever that may be. Hate public speaking? Time to start yelling and singing in the library. Hate how you look in jeans? Time to only wear jeans. You get the point. You are going to feel horrible. But then think back to all the other horrible things you have experienced, and think of how small and insignificant those events feel now. Think of how strong and amazing you are that you preserved through it all. Think of all your unique qualities that you may be afraid to show people because it makes you feel different. These are all things that make you, you. The trauma, the fake friends, the ex-boyfriend, the judgment, these are all a part of the journey in your life. Each obstacle is just one for the books, a chapter of your life-plot, there is always another chapter until there isn't. I am excited to read it, and you should be too.

Ask your grandparents if they can remember all the embarrassing moments when they felt insecure in their adolescent years, they probably can't. I bet they remember all the amazing times when they made life-long memories, took risks, and spent time with the people they really love. 

Remember that no one is perfect. You should never compare yourself to anyone else because the true you are already perfect. That doesn't mean everyone will like you, or everyone will think you are pretty, smart, funny, cool, et cetera, but the right people will be attracted to your greatness, you just need to let them see it for themselves.

Anonymous, New York University

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