Kayla P.
Photography by Jessica Pentel
If you’re reading this, treat yourself how you treat others.
My whole life, I have tried to be an ally for my family and friends who struggle with their mental health. However, when it came to my own, I was and am working to be less of a hypocrite. I have always played off my immune disease as being a minimal part of my life as I understand it more and can treat it with medication. Yet, when it came to my then undiagnosed anxiety disorder manifesting into a depressive episode, all that I could view it as was a personal flaw.
I went from being a motivated and outgoing student to sleeping 14 hours a day and watching TV through class to escape everything around me. I hated what I had become and the repercussions that it had on my academic and social life. I was exerting the same amount of energy that I used to excel in the past, just to make it to my second year classes, let alone put in the time required to study. The resulting number “2” in front of my GPA was a difficult thing to come to terms with.
If it had been a friend going through this situation, I would have treated them with love and acceptance and told them I was proud that they finished the semester. However, I was angry at myself and disappointed that I couldn’t simply overcome something that I thought I should have been capable of doing. I got through last summer and semester because of my friends. When my psychiatrist asked me to name things that I loved about myself, all that I could give him was that I loved how I cared for my peers. They may not know it, but anytime that I got work done or left my apartment was because I had made a commitment to do an activity with them.
As a kid, we are taught the golden rule, “Treat others how you wish to be treated.” But, I wish that I had also internalized the opposite and had the capability of treating myself how I would treat those around me. With the help of therapy and medication, I am getting there. I have finally been able to say out loud that I am dealing with mental illness and that is not a flaw of mine, but a disease as legitimate as any other. This is not a snapshot in time where one day I will be able to say, “I am better,” but with the help of professionals, family, and friends, I am functioning and living a better life than I have before.
If you are reading this, please take the advice that you would give your friends. You deserve to treat yourself with kindness, respect, and self love.
Kayla P., University of Virginia
Connect With Us
To follow IfYoureReadingThis at UVA on Instagram, get in touch with our chapter, and learn about more resources available to University of Virginia students, visit our chapter’s homepage.
