Isabella O.
Photography by Ally Szabo
If you're reading this, know that your anxiety will not last forever.
Anxiety can be all-consuming. It can be tiring, disruptive, draining, difficult, confusing, and isolating. Anxiety can convince you of many things. It may convince you that you are incapable of completing your goals or of being in social environments. Or that you are going to do poorly in school, that you are in some kind of danger or worse of all, that it will last forever. Some days may seem better than the rest, and other days may feel like the worst of them all. Although many who struggle with anxiety believe it is going to last forever, it does not. I believe that no matter how unbearable life or your anxiety may get, you will make it through. You will find yourself on the other side of the daunting mountain of anxiety that may present itself to you on one random day, as it did to me.
My journey with anxiety has only recently begun. It was like a fast-paced car accident, with me being myself and anxiety being the car. It was like I was simply crossing the street, with it seeming safe to do so, and then I was struck at 1000mph by a feeling I had never felt before. In realistic terms, anxiety can come out of nowhere. It may present itself slowly or all at once as it did to me. Not only is it scary, but it is also confusing.
I was stuck wondering where this anxiety came from, why it paid me a visit, and when it was going to leave. I was scared, annoyed, angry, and disappointed that I could not avoid the illness that so many people around me seemed to struggle with. Every day brought a new struggle, and I was forced to find various things that could help me through this reoccurring pain.
With each passing day of anxiety, I convinced myself that I was going to feel this way forever. “Welp, I guess this is my life now” or “I guess I need to figure out how to live with this” was all I could think of. I did not see an end to the suffering I was going through, as I seemed to continue down this dark, untraveled road with each second. My daily routine became a sort of fight; I fought to maintain my regular routine to try and ease some normalcy into my life. I fought to maintain friendships, relationships, and my academics. It was hard. I truly believed that I wasn’t going to be able to do those things anymore and that I was going to lose my friends and fail out of school all at the same time. I was struggling.
Like most things, practice makes perfect. I had to learn how to practice different anxiety coping techniques, communicate openly with those around me, and do what was best for myself and the anxiety I lived with. It became a kind of nurturing relationship between me and the anxiety. This may seem confusing, as I have just been expressing how much of a fight it put up, but it is true.
I wanted to nurture myself and the anxiety, as I could not fight any longer. I had to learn what was best for my episodes, myself, and my relationships. I also had to learn the most difficult lesson of all — I had to believe that it was not going to last forever. I had to believe that my anxiety was lying to me. I had to believe that I was strong enough for the fight. I also had to believe that I was more than my anxiety was convincing me I was. I was capable, strong, kind, a good friend, daughter, and student. Every day is a learning experience, and every day, I must tell myself that anxiety does not last forever.
Isabella O., Villanova University
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