Fatimah A.
Photography by Margeaux Edwards
If you’re reading this, it’s okay to say you are not okay. It is okay to be mad, sad, disappointed, and angry. What you are feeling is valid and important.
My name is Fatimah, and I am self-critical and get anxious over the smallest details. This is especially triggering in a society that embraces happiness and perfectionism. Our culture values positive emotions. We don’t post photos that capture negative feelings or show recent struggles. Rarely do we feel comfortable and safe in vocalizing the negative; feeling “not okay” is often disavowed. In some cases, our negative emotions get shut down by more negativity. Even children receive negative feedback when they get angry or sad. Children should be taught how to appropriately deal with uncomfortable emotions. Instead, parents often use punishment as a tool for discipline to counter negative behaviors. As we begin to grow and become more independent, we begin to internalize our feelings differently. Because crying when we feel like crying is “not okay,” we then find other ways to release the emotion.
Fear, anger, sadness, and happiness are the four main human emotions. Three out of the four emotions are easily associated with negativity. Does that mean we have evolved to only feel “good” 25% of the time? “Negative emotions” are not bad. They are an essential part of our neurological makeup. Biologically speaking, the purpose of emotions is to be a feedback mechanism; they’re supposed to help us know what is right vs. wrong. They drive our decision-making and map out our next move. These emotions are part of being human. It allows us to recognize and value the contrast between feeling happy and sad. We won’t truly understand happiness unless we have experienced sadness. We won’t understand calmness unless we have experienced anger. We need these contrasts to recognize our own vulnerabilities and those of others and to be able to appreciate our gains and losses. Accepting emotions as they are is crucial to life and is part of being human.
The next part is being able to manage emotions. This is harder than it sounds. Managing emotions may not be the same as a happy and healthy Instagram influencer. Emotions are so complex that there are so many strategies to manage them. I have found that talking to others has helped me immensely in organizing my feelings and understanding them better. I also find comfort in listening to others and carefully observing how they manage their emotions. For you, it may require engaging in other activities that will help counter the state you are in. Others may want to diffuse their emotions by resolving the problem directly.
Find a way to release built-up negativity and allow some room for what makes you feel what you want to feel. You are the protagonist of your own life, do whatever brings you the most comfort. Most importantly, try not to feel guilty about your management technique. Instead, embrace that you have identified what makes you feel better.
Pain and loss are inevitable, and resisting them will make it more difficult. It is okay not to be okay. Listen to yourself and find ways to manage your emotions, whether it is by seeking professional resources, talking to a loved one, or being alone. It will require time and patience with yourself, but nothing your beautiful mind cannot handle.
Fatimah A., Washington State University
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