Dr. Rita Barakat
Photography submitted by Dr. Rita Barakat
If you're reading this, you're not the only one.
Throughout my graduate career, I used to think that I was the only person who struggled. Struggled to get my data analysis pipelines to work, struggled to understand statistics, struggled to not spend too much time in the lab (but also not too little time).
Time was a major fixation point for me: I grew up in an academic culture that many of you reading this have probably grown up in as well. One where the emphasis is on quantity of time spent working over quality of the output. One where you were judged based on the number of hours you spent working on a particular task compared to your peers working on an equivalent or the same task.
I used to think I was in the minority of students who struggled with mental illnesses like depression, anxiety, dread and compulsions. That I was the only student in my cohort of 16 other neuroscience PhD students who saw a therapist on an almost weekly basis and who cried over "dumb" things like anger and frustration over something not working out the way I had intended.
But then I started listening to those around me.
And the stories I heard were so remarkably similar to mine, at times it felt eerie. As though I was watching a movie about myself, but someone else was playing the lead character (me- aren't we the lead in our own stories?) While it was in many ways heartbreaking to know that so many other people were dealing with the same personal and professional challenges I was dealing with at the same exact time I was dealing with them and that so many of us had what I later learned was "Imposter Syndrome", or the deep-rooted sense that "you're not good enough" or "you're not meant to be here", it was also incredibly validating to know that I was not alone. What was even more reassuring was to see the "success stories": the people who had graduated with their PhDs and went on to live what seemed to me to be idyllic and fulfilling lives, making strides in their careers. And let me tell you, dear reader, those people too struggled. Struggled with mental illness, struggled financially, struggled with their research, struggled with Imposter Syndrome.
The point here is that we ALL struggle, and not everything comes easy for everyone all the time. And time does not need to be our metric for success. In a fast-paced, modern Western culture that permeates the atmosphere of nearly every college campus in the United States, we have the ability to break this tradition of work > life and recognize that we don't need to live to work, but rather we can work to live.
More than anything, I just want to emphasize that if you're reading this, know that you are enough and you are not alone. Whatever it is that you may be struggling with right now, in this moment, you are surely not alone in your journey. And if you don't believe me, just ask someone and listen. You'll recognize the story in yourself.
Dr. Rita Barakat, University of Southern California
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