Calvin L.
Photo provided by Calvin L.
If you’re reading this, know that you matter.
I’ll say this first - having the opportunity to walk down this path is a tremendous privilege, one that I'm grateful for every day. At the same time, the responsibility can feel so heavy. Working in healthcare is a challenging assignment that demands excellence. It's a tricky balancing act - learning how to care for others without sacrificing ourselves in the process.
If you're reading this, know that you matter. You are a human being who has needs, just like everyone else. I hope you do something nice for yourself today. Cut your bangs, text your crush, spend time with grandma. Do what makes you happy because you deserve it.
Calvin L., First Year Medical Student
Q: What does mental wellness in medical school/training mean to you?
A: Mental wellness in medical school means doing the things I need to do to feel like a human being. I know if I don’t prioritize and set aside time for what’s important, I’ll never feel recharged. I call these important things my “More Better”, meaning more of what makes life better. For me, this largely consists of enjoying quality time with my favorite people - cooking with my girlfriend, working out with the boys, and playing MahJong (Chinese dominos) with my aunties.
Before I started medical school, I used to visit my grandma almost every week. Now I can only go a handful of times a year. Last week, I celebrated grandma’s 97th birthday with my extended family. During these family gatherings, we cook up traditional Cantonese feasts, pay our respects to our ancestors, and end the night with a sacred Chinese tradition - the game of MahJong. Grandma's doing well overall for her age, but her cognitive abilities have inevitably declined with the passage of the years. Sadly, the last time grandma was able to play MahJong with us was over five years ago. I never even knew the last time was going to be the last time.
In ten or twenty years, I probably won’t remember the Kreb’s Cycle. But I know I will always remember the boisterous, high speed, high stakes games of MahJong with my family. I'll never forget the joy of slamming down the green tiles, the excitement building around the table as the game reaches its end and everyone’s looking to draw a winning hand. I'll even remember the painful memories - the emotional devastation of losing money in every game to my cousin Coffee, and my aunties who are all in their 70s. And that’s why I always protect time for what’s More Better, because spending quality time with loved ones is what makes life worth living.
Q: What is your motivation when medical training/education gets hard?
A: My motivation is thinking about my why. Why am I doing this every day? I think about the sacrifices my parents have made, immigrating to the United States so we could have a better life. I think about the future I want to build with my girlfriend. I think about the people who will be depending on me - my peers, junior colleagues, the patients and their families - and that motivates me to show up every day and work hard to be a stronger version of myself.
Q: What’s the best advice you’ve ever received for maintaining your mental health?
A: The advice I live by is “have the cookie.” Nobody is perfect. Trying to live up to those standards is impossible and will only lead to misery. Progress comes from consistency, which means showing up for yourself every day, even if your performance isn't perfect. This also entails taking a break every once in a while to maintain your sanity. This year, I’ve eaten hundreds of pounds of dry chicken breast, have not missed a single week in the gym, and am lifting weights that I never thought I'd be able to. I could not have done this without having a cookie every now and then. So have the cookie. It’s good for you.
Several studies have revealed that medical students, physicians, and healthcare professionals experience mental health symptoms at rates significantly higher than the general population. Stethos[Cope] is a chapter of IfYoureReadingThis designed to help medical students and professionals cope with the unique stressors of medical training and change the narrative of mental health in medicine.
To read more letters and interviews from students, and to learn more about mental health in the medical community, visit the Stethos[Cope] home page.