Anonymous

Photo by Megan Cunningham

If you’re reading this, better things are coming.

Coming back to Boston College this spring has felt different. I’ve returned to campus 7 times now, and last weekend marked the beginning of the end of my undergraduate career here.

As I reflect on my last 4 years, my feelings about this campus, this place I’ve called home, this place that has fundamentally changed me, have evolved.

My first return to campus for the Spring 2022 semester was my worst. Like many people I know, first semester freshman year was my worst semester of college. I felt completely alone. My first semester friend group had cut me off, I got rejected from every club I applied to, I performed the worst I ever have academically in my entire career, and I overall was miserable. I seriously considered transferring to the point where I had applications open on my Common Application account. What kept me from hitting submit on those was my roommate, my professors, and the friends I made towards the end of freshman year.

I’d lump in my return for the Fall 2022 semester in with Spring 2022. I was terrified of my living situation for sophomore year - I cried once a week, anxious about the friendship catastrophe that occurred before we even moved in. Like the previous semester, the last thing I wanted to do was come back to this place, this campus that made me miserable with people who didn’t like me.

But then, something shifted. I still lived with my freshman year roommate, and the bond we created with another roommate in our housing group forged into another incredible friendship. I was genuinely excited for the weekend for the first time in college, not afraid that I would be left out of plans, forgotten about in the group chat, or spending another night wondering why everyone around me had such large friend groups while I consistently felt socially isolated. I also joined a club this semester, and that meeting every Sunday and weekly club responsibilities saved me more than I realized at the time. For the first time, at the end of this semester, I was sad to be going home.

Sophomore spring was a blur of fun - my friends and I continued to become closer, I declared a second major in a discipline I discovered I loved, and I genuinely had fun. I had no housing concerns, no social stressors, and was again sad to leave at the end of the year.

From that point, every goodbye has been at least a little bit tearful. Junior year was even better than I could’ve imagined. I loved my roommates to death, still living with two girls from my sophomore year. Some of my greatest college memories are from last year. I got involved in more clubs, and continued my on campus involvement.

Thinking about returning to campus for the start of my senior year had me at an all-time high. I was so excited to come back, live with my best friends for the second year in a row, and continue living in the best place ever. I still sleep three feet from the same roommate I had freshman year, still say hi to anyone I recognize from previous classes, and still have not had a professor I did not like. It’s called Chestnut Heaven for a reason!

As I look back on my time at Boston College, I am eternally grateful for how things shook out. I wish I could give freshman me a hug, tell her she would find her people, and that things would genuinely get better. I’d tell sophomore year me to pat herself on the back. Junior me would get a message to soak up every second - every living room hang out, every night going out, every class I had the chance to take and people I had the privilege to meet.

Thinking about the big “g” word makes me sad. I don’t want to leave this place and see my friends potentially all move to different cities. However, I can’t help but think how lucky I am to be this sad about leaving this place. I’ve grown up on this campus in ways I cannot describe, and the gratitude I feel every time I think about attending Boston College warms my heart like no other.

I do not know where I will be after the big “g,” and that scares me. It scares me like coming to Boston College did my freshman year. Knowing how my time at Boston College has evolved, I feel equally excited as I do fearful for my next journey. I’m ready to welcome my next chapter with open arms, no matter how shaky they are. So thank you, Boston College, for making this goodbye so bittersweet. I am ready to enjoy the rest of my senior year like no other, and promise myself I will bask in the moment of my final semester here.

Anonymous, Boston College 

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