Anonymous
Photography by Cat White
If you're reading this, you've made it this far, and that's worth celebrating.
From my own experiences at UVA, it's very easy to compare yourself to others and to judge your worth based on your relative successes and failures. Even while writing this, there's that voice in the back of my head questioning if my story is even worth sharing. "There are so many beautiful posts on this website, what could my post possibly add?" I think rationally we all know that we shouldn't compare ourselves to others, but it's still extremely hard to internalize that. It can be extremely difficult to see your peers getting into amazing grad schools, landing their dream jobs, and excelling in so many other areas when maybe the most accomplished thing you've done this week is get out of bed before noon or finally turn in an assignment a week late. I want to remind you that those little accomplishments and personal victories are just as worthy of celebration.
Coming to UVA first year meant leaving behind all of my closest friends and throwing myself into a very unfamiliar environment. Without the familiarity of home and the close personal connections I had there, I found myself feeling overwhelmingly lonely, lost, and incomplete. Later that year I was diagnosed with major depression, something that I feel I struggled with prior to coming to UVA, but the unfamiliar environment made it seemingly impossible to cope with. Truth be told, it's something that I struggle greatly with to this day. I wish I could share a story about how UVA eventually felt like home and I turned my feelings of depression into something wildly positive, but I'm not in the habit of lying to complete strangers. This isn't as sad as it sounds though, because it's not that this story doesn't have a happy ending — it simply hasn't ended yet. Truth be told, that's what gets me through the toughest times: the hope for that happy ending.
Let's not mince words, mental illness is a battle. It's not glamorous or beautiful, it's a fight for survival in the most literal sense. What makes such a battle particularly painful is that often it's invisible to those around you. In my opinion, one of the most apt lyrical depictions of mental illness comes from a song called Coal Fire by Jeffrey Martin. He writes: "I read a story about a coal fire that burned for 80 miles underground, under rivers and across the state line, without a flame, without a sound." I think this imagery perfectly encapsulates both how destructive mental illness can be and how hard it can be to see from the outside looking in. In many ways, we are all fighting battles that only we can see, and that can be incredibly isolating.
If you're reading this, I see your battle. If you're reading this, you're winning that battle.
It can be hard to explain to your friends why you cancelled plans, or to interviewers why your GPA isn't higher, or to your professor why you couldn't make it to class yesterday. It's hard to do these things because there's unfortunately still a very real stigma attached to mental illness, I think in large part due to the deeply personal nature of it. I want to remind you that you don't have to fight this battle alone. For me, medication, confiding in friends, and a seeing a therapist have made my battle a lot easier to manage. I'm not necessarily saying that any of those things will work as well for you, but finding out what helps you most is worth the effort.
Mental illness can make tomorrow seem impossible. It can make everyday tasks seem insurmountable. If you're reading this, you've already proven that tomorrow is possible, time and time again. You've overcome incredible odds. Your resilience and your bravery are worth celebrating every single day, and I am so very proud of you.
Anonymous, University of Virginia
Connect With Us
To follow IfYoureReadingThis at UVA on Instagram, get in touch with our chapter, and learn about more resources available to University of Virginia students, visit our chapter’s homepage.