Kate M.
Photography by Miguel Moya
Before reading this letter, we'd like for you to know it discusses Kate's experience with sexual assault. If you think that reading about this will be triggering for you, we encourage you to take a pause before reading this letter, center yourself, and prepare any resources you may need to access after reading it. If you'd rather not read this letter, we encourage you to read a letter on a different topic, such as this one. If you're reading this, your feelings are valid.
If you’re reading this, what happened to you does not define you.
You choose who and what you are, and if you have experienced trauma it does not have to define you at all. For years I have felt confined by the label of “victim,” spiraling deeper and deeper into depression and constantly feeling anxiety that people would know what I thought I was.
But that is not who I am. I am a survivor, I am an activist, I am a writer, and I am above all a human being. After experiencing sexual assault when I was 15, I thought things would never get better.
I constantly feared people finding out and thinking I was a liar, being branded “the girl who cried wolf.” Traumatic response and depression clouded my memory and for so long I doubted myself: Am I making this up? Am I exaggerating what happened?
But by telling friends and experiencing kindness and reassurance, I was finally able to accept the fact that I am a survivor, and what happened to me was not my fault — and that it doesn’t matter what others think because above all, I believe myself.
In college, I was able to find a community of survivors who could share their experience and help one another feel less alone. Because you are not alone, ever. In every room, there is someone who shares your struggle and pain, someone who secretly hides the trauma that changed their life.
Learning this has allowed me to reclaim my identity as a survivor — instead of letting my assault define me, I decided to define myself. For me, the most therapeutic thing was finding others who just understood. This community helped me realize that that is what I want to be for others: a voice and an ear.
Not everyone has the privilege to find a group of people like the Survivor Support Community at USC, access to therapy or medication, or even have the support of friends and family. I decided that for those people and for myself, I wanted to do something, to say something.
That led me to apply to write for the Daily Trojan, commenting on the culture of sexual violence in colleges, Title IX protections, and eventually to create a comprehensive Survivor’s Guide to USC.
Now, I believe I have found my path as a journalist, seeking to investigate sexual violence and harassment, give a voice to this silent community, and make a difference. But that doesn’t mean that my experience defined me — I am a complex human being capable of change and growth, and while that time in my life set me on a different path, one filled with struggle and despair, I will never give my perpetrator the power to say that he defined my life.
I define my life, each and every day, and so do you. There is a light at the end of the tunnel of trauma, and it may not be what you expected, but it will shine brightly and so will you.
Kate M., University of Southern California
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