Tommaso J.
Photography by Caroline MacLaren
jIf you’re reading this, your authentic self is FAR good enough for the individuals that matter the most in this world. That’s right, so take a big deep breath, absorb your surroundings, and give yourself the credit you deserve!
Now you’re probably thinking, alright fine – some guy with a name I’ve never seen or heard before just provided me with one of the most basic pieces of advice known to mankind. Even though it is basic, it is worth repeating. I’ve found myself in your very shoes more times than I can count on my own two hands. Like you, I have heard an array of cliche phrases of advice over the years. However, through life experience, I have come to understand this phrase in a more heartfelt manner. And I hope that, from this letter, YOU can take the most valued piece of advice I’ve received and make a little something out of it. I know that, out of anyone, you deserve the very best that this world has to offer, and I want you to realize this not just today but for the rest of your life!
Throughout my adventures of life, change has been ever present -- moving back and forth from Switzerland several times, I’ve lived in a grand total of eight houses and attended five different schools. In the midst of the early morning layovers and new home aromas, one fundamental question has always been at my door. It has followed me everywhere. And whether it be the driving question of a soccer team bonding exercise, one of those semi-awkward icebreakers for a new on-campus club, or simply a casual conversation point on the back nine of the Baker International golf course with my dad this past summer, I’ve always been looking for a comprehensively fulfilling answer. If you could provide yourself a piece of advice five years ago, what would it be? It wasn’t until a month and a half ago, as I was sitting on one of the three benches in front of the Falvey Memorial Library at the heart of Villanova’s snow-coated campus, when a phone conversation with my father shed light on the answer to this lifelong question; while it may not be the easiest of asks, being your authentic self will open the door to the relationships that will give you the most long-term happiness and fulfillment this beautiful world has to offer. Your true friends, the ones who will be with you through thick and thin, the ones that matter most, are those that see your authentic self as exactly who they want you to be.
I’ll be the first to tell you that it took me a LONG time to fully resonate with that idea. From my first steps as a Hornet in the shiny halls of Edina High School to my train wreck of a freshman dorm room in Villanova University’s Stanford Hall, my thoughts have always circled around how my peers perceive me. I’ve always had a desire to be approved by the people that surround me. While it is human nature to find yourself thinking this way from time to time, I quickly came to a powerful realization -- while masking your emotions and being an artificial version of yourself may create some short-term happiness, the joy that comes from lifelong friendship blossoms from authenticity. Further, by removing that mask and making yourself just a little bit vulnerable, the individuals that God wants you to be with will naturally be drawn towards you. Let me tell you… the belly-aching laughs and the late-night heart to heart chats make every uncomfortable moment of vulnerability totally worth it.
From experience, I can definitely relate to the fact that it’s difficult to always be the best and most authentic version of yourself. Let’s face it, life is not all sunshine and rainbows. EVERYONE, regardless of how they present themselves in public, experiences cloudy days and doubts. For years on end, I’ve searched for a way to shut down the anxiety-provoking thoughts in my mind. I always noticed that the instance my mind clinged onto one of these negative thoughts, my desire to do anything or be happy quickly vanished. I’d find myself laying in my bed, scrolling through the same three social media apps for hours on end. I’d only remove my eyes from the screen to take a sip from a half-crunched bottle of water. Energy levels were rock bottom and it seemed as if these negative thoughts would never find a way to escape my mind. One day, on the advice of a new mentor, I read something that gave me something to count on. George Mumford’s suggestion of present-moment breathing and mindfulness in his piece “The Mindful Athlete” fulfilled my very search. In times of stress, Mumford encourages individuals to take deep inhales and exhales, bringing conscious attention to the breaths. See the breath coming in then going out. In doing so, your mind is brought to the present moment, and everything seems to slow down! You recenter yourself and focus on what matters. Mumford calls it AOB (attention on breath) breathing, I call it happiness breathing. You name it what you’d like but living in the present moment facilitates authenticity, and practicing happiness breathing the next time you’re stressed or anxious about something is an easy way to move in the right direction!
While bringing into the open any sort of mental struggle may be daunting, I can promise you one thing -- it only gets easier. If you’re reading this, take a deeeeeeeeeep breath in, absorb your surroundings, and take note of the fact that your true self is one heck of a person. However hard it may be, try being the authentic version of yourself that makes you feel happiest. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised with the amazing outcomes that follow!
Hang in there, try to embrace vulnerability, and while it goes without saying, you’ve got a friend in me.
Tommaso J., Villanova University
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