Taylor B.
Photography by Maluk Jones
If you’re reading this, life is too short to be a people-pleaser.
Ever since I was thirteen, I’ve spent my life trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be, haunted by the thought that I’d never be good enough.
As a child, I was always told that it wasn’t enough to be great at something, I had to excel at it. I had to work twice as hard, be smarter, and be more resilient because there’d always be someone trying to undermine my accomplishments.
For a long time, I lived by those words; as anxiety-inducing as they were, I attempted to navigate life under the notion that I had to be perfect. It became so ingrained in me that I began basing my self-worth on my achievements and put an overwhelming amount of pressure on myself to succeed because anything less meant that I had failed.
By 12, a large source of my pride and the bulk of my achievements were centered around my academics, and when I realized that I could no longer demand perfection from myself, I felt ashamed. If I couldn’t be what my parents wanted me to be, what was left?
For years I struggled to retain an identity outside of my parents’ wishes, and when I managed to do so, coming to terms with it left me feeling insecure, as it lacked the validation the former had afforded me. Plagued by low self-esteem, I began hunting for validation from other people. I would break my neck trying to cater to everyone’s needs but my own and neglect myself in the process.
Unlearning a behavior can be difficult, and truthfully, I’m still working on it. Forging my path to self-discovery began by figuring out what I loved doing and was passionate about. It also meant making time throughout the day to focus on myself and my needs. In the moments where I feel the need to overextend myself, I take a step back and ask myself if I have the capacity to do it, if I’ve taken care of myself first, and if I’m doing it out of consideration or if it’s for validation.
If you’re reading this, you are more than the expectations people place on you.
Taylor B., University of South Carolina
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