Rachel R.
Photography by Jessica Pentel
If you’re reading this, know that you can find happiness again. Know that the thing that is consuming you, eating away at your mind, robbing you of sleep, friendships, and time, doesn’t have to control you anymore. You have to remember though that although your mind is the cruelest adversary you will encounter, it is also the greatest friend you can have. The human mind and body are much more resilient than you can ever imagine. Your way out is there.
A friend once told me that problem-solving is better than problem-agonizing—seems intuitive, right? This idea means that you are the captain of your own ship, so to speak. You are in charge of what comes next even when it feels like you can’t go on. You must be brave. You must stand in front of whatever is bringing you down and stop letting it define you. Release the weights you carry and work to find your greater potential. You deserve it.
But, at the same time, know that the burdens you carry are heavy, and letting go of them is not always something you can do on your own. Reject the idea that reaching out and asking for help means you’re weak. Reject the notion that needing therapy means you lack pride. Understand instead that having the self-awareness to know you can’t do it all alone requires immense courage, resilience, and strength.
I’m not saying it will be easy. It is a journey with a destination I myself am working toward every day. You will face setbacks. You may fall into old patterns. You’ll encounter change and difficulty and moments that will scare the hell out of you. You may even make old mistakes. But, you’ve gotten this far, and right now, that’s enough.
If you’re reading this, know that you are enough. You are neither too much or too little, you are just enough and exactly where you are meant to be in this moment.
This experience of what you are going through will make you stronger. It will make you more sympathetic. It will allow you to understand the world in a softer way that not everyone can. You are stronger than your hardest battle, and that is a badge of honor you must wear proudly. One day, you’ll be able to smile and laugh without worrying about when those feelings of contentedness will fade. One day, you’ll spend hours with friends and not once worry about feeling inadequate. One day, you’ll be able to go out to eat without agonizing over how many calories are in the meal you’re eating and the drink you’re drinking. One day, you won’t have to call your mom sobbing at two in the morning. One day, you’ll finally believe your friends and family when they tell you that they do care you exist and that you mean the world to them and that their lives would be dimmer without you in it. One day, you’ll see that it’s okay to be gentle with yourself and to give yourself the same grace and kindness you give to others. One day, you’ll realize that your feelings are valid and it’s okay to not always be so strong. It’s okay to open up. One day, you’ll be able to say that you are truly, completely happy.
On that day, I hope you look back. In a world so adamant about moving forward and pushing the hard stuff away, recognize what hurt you and what’s hard and don’t let it all be the skeletons in your closet. You are only as free as you let yourself be. This is your story, and, as the saying goes, there is room in every story for a better ending. It’s up to you.
Rachel R., University of Virginia ‘22
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