Penny K.
Photography by Joseph Bui
If you’re reading this, let yourself grieve.
If you’ve lost someone important to you, you know what it’s like to grieve, and if you’re like me, you know what it’s like to shield your grief from others. It’s unbearable on its own, and sharing it seems just as unbearable, even if it might help take some of the weight from your shoulders.
I lost someone three years ago, and I still don’t think I’ve figured out how to really let myself grieve, let alone how to share that grief with others. It feels awkward and too heavy. There are too many layers to parse through because on top of the everyday sadness – sometimes fleeting and sometimes long-lasting – there’s the guilt and the regret and the inability to comprehend how something like this could have ever happened.
But all of that is okay, even on the many days when it feels like it’s not. You’re allowed to feel the confusing mess of your grief for as long as you want, for as many days as you want. It’s so important to be able to give yourself the space to deal with these emotions, and if that space involves another person, you’re allowed that, too. I recently started going to therapy (because it’s often still too hard to talk to my friends about these things without feeling bad about it), and it’s been really helpful in working through my grief. I also recently talked to my family about it, which felt like a breakthrough. Whoever it may be that you are comfortable talking to, don’t be afraid of sharing. It’s too hard to keep it all to yourself when it’s a feeling this big. Trust me, I know.
So, please, let yourself grieve.
I don’t only mean let yourself grieve in the way that means crying and sometimes screaming and sometimes sitting in bleak silence (though that’s all good and terrible, too). I mean, let yourself talk to people about your grief or the person you lost, whether that involves crying about it or sharing little anecdotes of your time together. Even though it hurts, it’s a healthy hurt, I think. Because it’ll hurt a lot more if you don’t let yourself do it.
Just remember that your feelings are important, your grief is valid, and it’s going to be okay. It might not feel like it right now, but we’re going to get through this.
Penny K., Colby College
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