Meg A.

Photography by Cat White

If you’re reading this, it’s ok to say no.

The summer before my first year, I watched the movie “Yes Man.” In the movie, a guy challenges himself to say yes to everything for a year and I told myself to carry that mentality going into UVA. For my entire first semester at UVA, I found myself saying yes to every opportunity that came my way for two reasons.

First, in all honesty, I had a fear of missing out. Whether it was a meal with people on my floor, seeing a concert at Ting Pavillion, or walking to 7/11 for slushies, I didn’t want to miss out on bonding time knowing that these were the friends I was going to spend the next four years with and continue to grow alongside. Second, I believed that time spent alone was time wasted. I’m sure many of you have heard the saying that in college, you can pick two out of the three: school, social life, and sleep. In trying to balance it all, I chose school and friendships, believing I could catch up on sleep during breaks or when I was home.

Soon, I realized that while I was focused on being constantly present with others, I missed the value of taking time for myself and finding balance in the process. When I was entering my first year at UVA, I came in with the mindset that if I wanted to meet people, make friends, and become accustomed to college life, I was going to have to go the extra mile and say “yes” a lot more. These patterns changed during my second year. I was taking a hard Economics class, and got a part-time job. I realized that I needed to start saying “no” to both focus on myself, which ultimately made me a better friend, classmate, and daughter. I started cooking myself dinner and FaceTiming my parents as I ate instead of socializing during every meal. I started staying in on Friday nights to watch a show or study for an exam. Saying no doesn’t mean you’re boring, antisocial, or don’t care about your friends. It simply means you’re being mindful of your own limits and needs. Saying yes to everything might not always be the best choice for you, even if it feels like the right thing to do at the moment. Learning when to say no can be just as important as saying yes — it’s about giving yourself the time and space you need to be your best self in all areas of life.

College is full of so many opportunities, events, and activities — it’s easy to get caught up in the constant stream of things going on. While it can be exciting to say yes to everything, it’s also okay to step back and recognize when it's time to say no. At first, figuring out when to say yes and when to say no wasn’t always clear, and it took some trial and error. But with time, I’ve learned that it’s a process. Now, when I’m with people, I’m more present. I’m a better listener, I offer advice more thoughtfully, and I can engage in conversations more deeply — because I’ve taken the time to take care of myself.

Meg A., University of Virginia

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