Lauren B.

Photography by Gamecock Volleyball

If you’re reading this, you are human.  

We live in a world where children are taught at a young age to go to the doctor when something hurts. So why when we have a mental injury has it not been normalized to go to a mental health doctor? Just because you may not be able to see the injury doesn’t mean it is not there or lesser than any other injury. This is a stigma that needs to be changed not only in our community but around the world. 

 Hi, my name is Lauren Bowers and I am a senior student-athlete at the University of South Carolina. For me playing a sport, specifically volleyball, in college was and still is a dream come true. For me, volleyball was a way to escape the world around me and to play the sport that I love, especially in high school through my freshman year of college. By the time I reached my sophomore year of college, I began to earn more playing time on the court. This was an amazing feeling of being wanted and needed by your team and your coaches. About halfway through preseason I had a bad game and was taken out. This is a feeling that I hate reliving and wouldn’t wish on anyone. Feelings of being wanted and needed, changed to feelings of not being good enough or needed to win. These feelings stayed with me throughout the whole year as my playing time continued to become inconsistent.  

The summer going into my junior year, I worked my butt off! I was practicing 2 times a day and putting some of my social life and family time on hold. When the season began, this hard work paid off. I earned a consistent starting spot until I was pulled again. This was a huge trigger for me and all of those feelings came over me again... Only this time it was worse. I had the same feelings as before, plus feelings that my hard work was not paying off and that I “should be playing”. This took a huge toll on my mental health. I didn’t feel like I was playing my game. I was playing not to be taken out.  

The next game was against Tennessee and I was 1 of 2 players that didn’t touch the court. It took all of me not to cry on the sideline. I honestly felt super selfish trying to hold back tears and cheer my team on. After this game, I went back to my hotel room crying hysterically. I talked to my parents who are my biggest fans and the people I look up to in my life. They support me no matter what. My mom specifically mentioned I should talk to a psychologist. She had been saying this for a long time but at this point, my confidence had hit rock bottom and I needed help.  

I immediately reached out to a psychologist and she helped me improve my confidence and redefine what success means to me. To me, success used to be the amount of time and how well I played on the court or what others thought of me. Now, success to me means trying my absolute hardest all the time and encouraging my teammates to make them feel as good about their playing as possible. 

Talking to a psychologist helped me realize what is truly important and to have tools to process disappointments, calm my level of stress, and anxieties throughout life. The disappointments throughout my Sophomore and Junior years slowly took away my love for volleyball but working with my psychologist helped me find that love again.

Lauren B., University of South Carolina

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