Kimberly G.
Photography by Cat White
If you’re reading this, it’s okay if your timeline looks different than others.
For as long as I can remember I’ve had constant feelings of guilt, shame, and anxiety that I could never exactly overcome nor pinpoint where they stemmed from. While deeply loving and supportive, it’s not common to talk about mental health or negative feelings in my family or culture, so I never did.
I began college in the fall of 2020, the middle of the pandemic. Everything was so uncertain and scary, and I always felt a little uneasy, even when I started to “find my place” at UVA. I came across the IYRT Instagram page during my first year and found so much comfort and reassurance in the letters I read. I finally had words and similar experiences to validate what I’d been feeling all my life.
The next year, I joined a different club and met the president of IYRT at the time (hi Betsy!) and learned more about the club’s mission and team and decided to apply for the editor position. I got the position, and began serving as editor in the fall of my third year. At the time this was really scary for me and my first step in facing my own mental health struggles - by helping others who were ready to talk about theirs.
During that time, I had the opportunity to read letters, talk to writers, and have open conversations with friends about mental health. And yet, I was still struggling to validate and recognize my own feelings. I’ve wanted to go to therapy for a long time, and know it will be really beneficial for me to talk to a professional about my experiences and feelings that affect me negatively. During my time at UVA, I have done two phone assessments with CAPS and never followed through with making an appointment with a licensed therapist. On one hand, I know my feelings are valid and important to address, and on the other I feel like I don’t “deserve” to take someone’s time to talk about things that I think are mundane and not super important.
I also recognize the irony in being on the executive team of an organization whose mission is to be open about mental health, and then not being open about my own struggles. But now I’m here finally writing this letter (a year in the making), to say that I have come to terms with the fact that it’s taken me a little longer than many of my peers to open up. I am confident and hopeful that someday, a month or a year from now, I will be able to take the other big step of going to therapy.
In the meantime, I will continue to find comfort in the letters from our UVA community, and in the community of friends and family that have always supported me. You all inspire me everyday and have motivated me to finally publish my own letter. Thank you for your openness and vulnerability, it has been an honor to serve as editor of IfYou’reReadingThis for the past two years. If you resonate with any part of this letter, remember to lean on your people, and it’s okay if your timeline looks different than others.
With love,
Kim G., University of Virginia
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To follow IfYoureReadingThis at UVA on Instagram, get in touch with our chapter, and learn about more resources available to University of Virginia students, visit our chapter’s homepage.
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