Katie F.
Photography by Katie Fox
If you’re reading this, ask for help.
Coming to Wake Forest was one of the most isolating experiences of my life. As a first-year student, I was overwhelmed by the social and academic expectations I set for myself compared to my perception of my peers. I felt like I was missing out on social opportunities because I spent every night in my room. Also, I felt like I was falling behind academically because I couldn’t force myself to do the readings or major assignments. These weren’t misplaced feelings because I was lonely and failing some of my classes, but my sense of inadequacy turned out to be far from true.
My solitude was a completely new experience from my reality in high school. I had always made great friends easily, and although I’ve been a chronic procrastinator since middle school, I always pulled through in the end. In college, I was a failure when it came to these two benchmarks. Not to mention, I was having a hard time adjusting to the additional responsibilities of feeding myself and keeping in touch with my parents, so my mental and physical health suffered immensely.
I could go on and on about how, semester after semester, my mental health declined over the course of the semester in correlation to my academic performance, and I stubbornly refused to accept help. Instead, I’ll skip to the good part.
After my friends, parents, and professors practically begged me to seek professional counseling, I started regular academic coaching through the CLASS office and therapy to seek an ADHD diagnosis. These two changes altered the trajectory of my college experience.
First, I met with my academic coach, Laura, to schedule my time and interrogate the roots of my procrastination tendencies to best plan with them in mind. It took a few visits to buy in, but I still meet with Laura every week. Together we build my organizational skills and balance my school work, extracurriculars, campus employment, and social life so I can feel successful and accomplished at the end of every day. Rather than comparing myself to the imaginary typical Wake Forest student, I’ve figured out what works best for me and I’ve crafted my own measures of success around accomplishing the activities and spending time with the individuals who fulfill me. (If you take one thing away from this letter, academic coaching through CLASS changed my life and you should give it a try!)
Second, I started seeing a psychologist who diagnosed me with ADHD and helped me to advocate for accommodations (also shoutout to the CLASS office!) based on my learning style and needs. She also offered some perspective on the hopelessness and overwhelm I was experiencing. We identified the ways improving my personal wellbeing could improve my sense of satisfaction and life. It took a lot of hard work and humility, so there’s no fix-all solution I can offer to those experiencing similar despair, but in my experience, it does get better.
My freshman year, I felt isolated, inadequate, and like nobody else was struggling like I was. Sophomore year, there were only Zoom classes and nobody to commiserate with or measure myself against, so I felt overwhelmed and like I had to do everything perfectly or not at all. I ended up seeking out therapy, but struggled to ask for help, even when professors reached out to express concern. I started regular academic coaching through CLASS and by my junior year I felt like I had it a lot more together. I found more fulfillment through involvement with my campus organizations and took classes I was interested in. Even in these ‘high-stakes’, ‘high-expectation’ settings, I practiced submitting imperfect work in the name of being done and good enough. And I still excelled! But I stopped feeling that overwhelming guilt about inconveniencing professors or missing out on experiences with my friends. I made boundaries and got into a routine and finally felt that weight lift off of me.
Now, as a senior, my sophomore year self wouldn’t believe that I struggled to write this letter because I can barely remember the depth of those seasons of depression. I still struggle to budget my time and communicate my needs, but I’m happier and feel more fulfilled than ever before. I spend my time with people who care about me and try not to stress about things I don’t care about.
I never would have worked so hard on myself to get to where I am today if I hadn’t hit rock bottom. So I know that it’s hard to believe, but don’t give up on yourself. You are capable of more than you know, and it does get better than this. But everyone needs help sometimes, and it’s a sign of strength to be vulnerable and self-aware enough to reach out. So practice it in small ways, if you need to. Find an accountability partner study-buddy, or ask a professor for an extension, or maybe even schedule an appointment with CLASS. Whatever it is, you’ll be better for it in the long run and practice makes perfect. You are not alone, and you should take advantage of the resources available to you to become the best version of yourself. Good luck out there; you got this!
Katie F., Wake Forest
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