John B.
Photography by Jessica Pentel
Resilience has been a key player in many people’s lives, but many really only know the sort of stories they hear about instant resilience. The “I failed my test, so I studied hard for the next one” or the “I got rejected, but I tried again the next application cycle.” All of them are inspiring stories, but resilience does not always have to be an instantaneous thing.
My tenure as an undergraduate at the University of Virginia was not a straightforward walk in the park and sometimes my rebounds were slow because I wanted to give myself time. Having battled with Depression and Anxiety, I have witnessed my own failures and have tried to take time for myself before turning them into successes. My resilience is often not instant, but my determination will always have me coming back after giving myself a breather.
Everything I am endlessly passionate about I can tell you I not only failed to achieve on my first go, but I went back and achieved much later. I am currently the Senior Resident of Brown College, but not without two rejections from the role itself. I dropped a class taught by a contemporary poetry teacher I greatly admired, but I rejoined the next time it was taught with success due to his help and guidance. None of these failures made me want to turn back, but all of the successes that spawned came with ample time and a calm demeanor. Even now after a rough previous semester due to the passing of my childhood dog and grandmother among a plethora of hard family situations, I communicated my struggles and let myself recover before coming back with powerful work and impressive determination. While not everything was perfect due to the suddenness of all these things, the failures of last semester woke up my original passion and I decided to pursue psychiatry again even if it would take an extra gap year. This is resilience: continuing when I was finally ready, even after years of distance.
Perhaps the most prominent example is the organization that I am writing this for, Madison House HELP Line, which is a crisis line that deals with a range of issues that are distressing or pervasive to a caller. Volunteers are trained in both a rigorous and elite manner. An ambitious me attempted to become part of the program very early on in my undergraduate career. It was not the appropriate time. Throughout training, we constantly practiced with “role plays,” which I started faltering on throughout the sessions. Near the end, I decided to dismiss myself as my poor performance was causing me great stress and my trainers could tell that it was just not that time yet.
However, this was not the end of my HELP Line story. I eventually climbed my way back into the program, restarting from week one and ensuring I passed each role play. When I passed the final one, I was ecstatic and the following semester, I would start my volunteering. The small flame of resilience turned into a beautiful show of fireworks as I would pursue a place as a trainer and on the outreach team eventually after several semesters on lines. Every second of volunteering meant the world to me as I knew I was helping people.
HELP Line is an incredible resource. It has helped me outside the volunteer status when I called it once during a particular distressing time in my first year and my years when I was on lines before being on the outreach team. It has taught me so many lessons, but most importantly as I used to talk to so many people, to let me problems settle in, fight any battle, and bounce back once I am ready and have helped myself. During a particularly stressful winter semester, HELP Line allowed me to pursue my philosophy preached within this and take a break for myself. I can not stress enough that this is one of the most incredible resources one can engage in and if you ever need us, call 434-295-TALK.
If you are reading this, I want you to understand that resilience is not always instantly popping back up. Resilience is allowing yourself time to step back from something and get a better understanding for yourself. Resilience is taking a year to figure out what you want to do or taking care of yourself before going back to your ambitions. Resilience is a lengthy process and if I did not take time for myself, I would not have been involved in programs such as the English BA/MA or in HRL as a Senior Resident. Resilience is allowing yourself time so you can be the most successful person in the future. Never give up on yourself. Take the necessary steps back until you're ready, tell people that you want to care for yourself, and rebound with a powerful spark in the future.
John B., University of Virginia ‘22
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