Jillian Bizjack
Photography by Greer Diaz
If you're reading this, it gets better.
The dark hole that seems to get deeper and deeper does end. You will find a ladder right next to you and climb out. But you will never forget how it feels to be at the bottom, looking up at everyone smiling and living their lives, feeling so hopeless that you just sit down. The time you spend trying to climb out is when you learn the most.
I've spent time there. Endless days in bed, nights feeling so numb, repeating every day. Every day feels like a twisted loop. That hole may turn into a comfort zone for a while, and that's okay. To sit and feel the way you feel is okay. It doesn't mean it needs to last forever.
Finding peace within yourself takes time, it takes hard work to look at the objective things in life. To take a step back and look at who you are and what you have accomplished. To love your body because it allows you to wake up every day, to be grateful for your brain that allows you to learn new things, to thank the rain for falling because now those flowers can bloom, and to bless your appetite because who wouldn't want to eat that pizza.
Throughout your life, these downs are going to make you who you are and realize that when you are up, those downs will make you so grateful for the smile on your face, and this time it's not a forced smile. The little things in life do matter but choose to care for the ones that make you feel so good inside you forget about all the little things that have you questioning your happiness.
Life is too short to not enjoy the little gifts given to us. Buy the diet coke, see your friends, call your mom, eat the ice cream, and laugh until your stomach hurts even if it's 2am and you must be up in 5 hours. The hole doesn't seem so deep anymore, you've started to fill it with the things that make you joyous to be alive, they are the pieces used to build your ladder, soon enough you will be close enough to crawl on out. Ya, you may have some dirt on you or some scratches that leave scars, but they heal. They will serve as a reminder of how strong you are. And dirt washes off, it leaves your clothes as if they were never there because some things aren't permanent.
If you're reading this, the light at the end of the tunnel does come, but you don't have to hold your breath until you reach it.
Jillian B., University of Wisconsin
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